Can someone please help me?

[csw]

I have been complating sucide for quite sometime. The only thing that keeps me going is thinking that maybe one day will be better than the one previous. Let me tell you my story. I was married to a beautiful woman since 1991. She loved me so much. In 2004 I had an affiar. Things got into a rut for me during the marriage, and I feel in to a deep depression. I met this girl and it seemed that she was the one I wanted to be with. This was my mind talking to me, not my emotions. I was acting on my depression instead of realizing my depression. My wife stuck through me during the affair and promised not to let me go. I found help and counsouling and things were working better. Then one night I found her at another mans house. I went to get her and her boyfriend called the cops on me. I was arrested and am now looking at 7 months in prision for a concelend weapon I had in my car. I had a permit to carry it, but do to the circumstances I was arrested. I continued to go to counsouling with her trying so hard to get thins right again. She informed me that she had feelings for this guy and no we are going through a divorce. I am looking at 7 months in prison starting the 14th of feb 2007. She has moved out with this guy and I feel so aweful that I screwed up a perfect marriage for my poor decision. I have stopped taking my depression pills, because frankly they were not doing anything for me. I cannot talk to my counsoulr about my suicide toughts because she said if I mentioned the word, she would call the police. I need someone to talk to. My friends have all dis owned me, I have no one, becuase of a mistake I make while being depressed. I claim full responsibility for my actions, and that the whole point of this message. Because I was the one that cause the downfall, combined with the fact I have no friends or counsouler I can talk to, I need to stop hurting. The only way I can think of is to put a 44 to my chest and get it over with. I cannot go on day after day knowing the mess I created, the marriage I screwed up, the lives of all the people around me that have givin up on me, the way I have hurt everyone.... I need help. I don't know what else to do. I am going to go do my prison time, and give my life 6 months. After that, I am going to end it. I hate my life, I hate the fact that I have hurt so many people. I hate the fact that no-one can be forgiving and listen to what I have to say, I hate the fact that I cannot tell my true feelings to my counsoulr. Can someone please help me..... I want to be happy, I want to meet someone, I want someone that will be there for me no matter what. I want a 2nd chance, but I truly don't see that in the future. Please help me, please someone talk to me.....

 

[~CazzaAngel~]

Hey hun, welcome to Suicide Forum. I hope you find the friendship and support you are looking for here. If you ever need anything let me know and if I can't help I will find someone who can.



I am so sorry about the situation you are in, that most be very confusing and scarey. I am getting divorced too, but..... it's under different circimstances. There was just a lot of yelling, verbal abuse, physical, emotional, controlling, jealous, hateful and etc..



I know our marriages fell apart for 2 different reasons, but never-the-less it's still hard to deal with.. Did you have any kids with your wife?



And why didn't your wife tell the cops that you weren't a danger to her at that point, that she just didn't want to talk with you. I couldn't let someone go down like that. I can remember if you said or not, but.. have you went to court yet over that?



If you need a friend hun I am more than willing to be your friend, you can never have too many, eh? :wink:



Do you have MSN or MSN messenger hun?



:hug: :hug:



--All my love,
Carolyn--

 

[TLA]

CSW- :welcome:
you came to a good place. I hope we can support you. There are many folks here that can understand you.

I can identify with your hurt and give up attitude. I feel the same; I'm sorry for all the hurt I caused, sorry I did not take better care of my life and I'm missing my ex-husband tremendously. I don't even have a life right now.

I think that your wife maybe was not as great as you may believe. The reason I say that is due to allowing you to get arrested when she is still your wife, yet you both were cheaters. If she was a nice, kind, caring woman the boyfriend may have not called the cops. Did you present a danger to them?
I was not there. The weapon might have appeared to be a domestic distubance type of police matter. I am really sorry that did happen. BUT, it is nearly impossible to take ourselves out of the situation to see solutions. I try for mine but think of very few.

Try to make a list of 5 things that are good in your life. You can have a 2nd chance. You really can!!!! :smile:

You sound young, so your life that you hate does not have to be over.
I would be happy to be a listener. Send me a PM.

Hang tough! Put the gun away for awhile. Talk about it. :hug: see ya,

 

[Raiden]

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through CWS, Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it in private.