Can someone please help????

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ket93, Aug 20, 2009.

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  1. ket93

    ket93 Well-Known Member

    I have been on here before... a few months ago. I broke up with my BF about 6 months ago. I have tried very hard to move on and I just cant. I have had times when I felt better but now I feel like I did after we first broke up. I realize that I love him more than I ever could anyone and while it sounds stupid, I know that I will never find anyone to make me feel like he did.
    I will spare you the boring details. The real reason I am posting this is because I have several different pills that I want to take. Yes I am serious. I cannot deal with this pain anymore. I just cant live like this. I feel like I am living in the past and that is no way to live.
    The last time I talked to my ex was about a month ago. The last thing he said to me was that he was happy with the way his life was now and happy with himself. Which makes me feel like he is much happier without me. And that is probably true because I had so many problems I do not blame him for being happier without me. I just wish he would have loved me the way I do him and we could have worked things out.
    I just cant do this anymore.
    There is nothing left for me. Please do not try and talk me out of this or how I feel because it will not help. I appreciate someone wanting to help, but I am beyond help.
    All I ask is that someone will please tell me what pills I need or how many I need to take to do this.
    I have all kinds, from vicodin, xanax, trazodone Mostly anti depressants and muscle relaxers my dr has give me over the past several months.
    That is the best way you can help me is to help me be out of this pain. I dont want to feel like this anymore. If I do not hear anything I will just start taking them and hope that it works.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Nobody is going to answer that question for you. We don't want you to die, and it's also against site rules to give someone methods. SF is a pro-life site. So I hope you'll stil around and talk to us. There are a lot of caring, supportive people here who'd love to try and help.
     
  3. Polar

    Polar Account Closed

    Hi ket93,

    Welcome back to you.

    I'm so sorry to hear about what's been happening in your life. Please don't take those pills. I'll explain why in my next post. I'm just writing a quick one to you now just so you know I'm here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Polar
     
  4. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    This is a pro-life support group and we cannot, should not and will not assist anyone in an attempt. We are here to listen and to offer our help or lend an ear as Wildcherry stated above.

    Since you've already experienced the ups and downs of trying to cope with the situation, you will experience another period of acceptance and the pain will diminish. So please stay in touch with us and continue to post and send a pm to somebody that you trust here. We'll listen and help you get through this.

    Mike
     
  5. ket93

    ket93 Well-Known Member

    I understand that no one will help me with that... It was stupid to ask.
    I am just so desperate right now to get out of this pain I have been going through for so long. I do not know what else to do anymore.
    I have went to a site where you can put in the medicines you have and see what is most dangerous to take with others.
    I am sure I have more than enough to do it.
    The sad part is that like most ppl that feel like I do, I do not really want to die, I just do not want to be in the pain anymore. But after talking to friends, counselors, psych, taking so many different kinds of medicines, nothing helps.
    I am so heartbroken over this person I cannot function and be happy anymore and I do not want to live the rest of my life like that.
     
  6. Polar

    Polar Account Closed

    Hi ket93,

    Welcome back to you.

    I'm so sorry to hear about what's been happening in your life. Please don't take those pills. I'll explain why in this post. I have attempted suicide with pills and the after effects especially with anti-depressants are not great. I spent days in hospital and I also had slurred speech for days. That was the least of it. Trust me it's not worth it. You can do worse damage and you'll probably still be alive.

    Secondly, your story with your boyfriend is not boring. It actually brought back memories for me. I had a very bad situation with my only girlfriend at the time and she told her friend to tell me what your boyfriend said. Basically without going into details, I was accused of something I didn't do and it broke our relationship. She is now very happy and is with a great guy and like you I'm pleased for her. It doesn't mean your boyfriend doesn't care about you or has forgotten you though. I haven't seen my ex-girlfriend for nearly two years now but she keeps telling her friend to ask if I'm ok. Her friend doesn't like me much so she tells her I'm fine when I'm not. That's ok. I'm just grateful that she still thinks about me because there's not a day which goes by where I don't think of her. Please understand though that just because you're not with your boyfriend and he's happy, it doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. I actually think by telling you this he has shared something important in his life with you because he cares about you.

    Every day I'm treated so poorly by people and I remember my ex-girlfriend never once did that to me. It hurts so much. My best advice for you is to try a form of distraction such as a hobby or a social outlet that will take you away from the pain. Maybe join a social group where you will meet new friends and people and you'll probably find you'll end up meeting someone who really will care about you.

    I can't make the decision for you and while I haven't lived your life, I have a fair idea what you're going through. You can't stop thinking about your boyfriend and it's tearing you apart that you just want to end the pain. I don't know if you have family as an option but maybe talk to them about what is happening. I can assure you on this forum there will be so many ears who will listen to you also so we are here for you.

    You strike me as a very caring and compassionate person. Someone who doesn't see these traits as beautiful would have to get their eyes and senses checked. There will be much love for you if you give it a chance. I gather these things from your message. Don't give up because you deserve to have someone who can love you as much as you can love them.

    Take care.

    Kind regards,

    Polar
     
  7. ket93

    ket93 Well-Known Member

    polar
    Just listening to you made me cry...
    Just to hear a complete stranger say that there is a chance that he still cares about me makes me cry.
    Everyday I think about him, all the good memories. We were only together a year, in fact I left him the night of our one year anniversary. Something I will regret for the rest of my life.
    I have never felt like this before about anyone. Not even my ex husband who I was with for 12 years.
    I had so many emotional issues and he begged me to stop being negative so many times and I just didnt think it would end like it did. I never thought we would be apart.
    And now that we are I just cannot seem to live with myself...
    I have tried to date and it just does not work. In fact, the very last person I dated ended up being a very bad situation. I only dated him for a few weeks, but come to find out his ex GF was actually a friend of my ex's and someone I didnt know personally but never liked. Of course this got back to my ex and he left a comment on his myspace page that made me feel very bad. I dont know exactly what it meant, but here is what he said. Life is funny, what comes around goes around. Hope you enjoy the ride.
    It broke my heart. I couldnt understand why he was not just happy for me. Unless he knew something I didnt... Because about 2 weeks later the guy just stopped talking to me. The last weekend we were together his ex gf sent him a messages saying very mean stuff about me. Since she doesnt know me I didnt know if it was just her being jealous or stuff my ex had told her.
    I have offered to be just friends with my ex, but have not heard from him for almost a month now. We had talked off and on for almost the full 6 months after we broke up. We even saw each other. And it just didnt work out. I look back and see where I made a lot of mistakes and wish I had done things different. I know I cant be all to blame, but I wish he really knew how I love him and miss him so much.....
     
  8. ket93

    ket93 Well-Known Member

    I also know that there can be some very bad side effects from the pills, so that is why I am wondering if I should even bother with them because they may not work...
    I have also thought about just slitting my wrists.
    I am very close to doing this and also want so badly to send him a message... I am just afraid of the reply I will get or not get anything at all... I know it does not even matter at this point....
     
  9. Polar

    Polar Account Closed

    Hi ket93,

    Thank you for your message. I'm not trying to be demeaning or anything but trust me slitting your wrists is not a good option either. I've been there and tried that and that is something which will just leave you with more pain.

    I'm so sorry to hear about what has happened with your ex-boyfriend. I know how you feel. Part of me wants to drive in my car every day and go and visit my ex-girlfriend. However, this desire has decreased and so will yours if you give it a chance.

    That is very sad how you left him on the night of your one year anniversary. If it's any consolation I left my girlfriend on New Year's Day in 2008. It's so hard and I'm sorry you had to experience that.

    I know it's hard to believe right now but what's to stop you ever feeling about this way about anybody else? While I couldn't see myself with another girl, I've always tried to find social outlets and meet new people who I can call friends. They have kind of distracted me from the pain.

    If your ex-boyfriend was with you during your emotional times, he must really care about you. Sometimes you've got to realise though there are some things out of your control though. You've done the right thing and tried to be friends with your ex-boyfriend and I have total admiration for this. So well done! Now it's up to him to make the right decision. There's no point enforcing it because this will make it worse as I know from experience. I know it hurts but sometimes there are things out of our control.

    I'm also very sorry that people have said such mean things about you. Particularly considering that you are a nice and great person. Just remember that you are a better person than that and I know that you wouldn't stoop to their level. So again well done on this! You're right. You are not to blame . You have done what you thought was right and that's all you can do.

    I think a person with such wonderful qualities would be welcomed by so many people if you are willing to stretch your hand out to them. There are good people in this world and you are one of them. Pleae give this goodness a chance to be embraced. You're more than worth it.

    Please take care.

    Kind regards,

    Polar
     
  10. ket93

    ket93 Well-Known Member

    I know I do not want to die. I never have.
    It is just that every single day I have wanted to go back to a year ago and make things right. I would have give anything for that chance.
    I mentioned earlier that I wanted so bad to send my ex a message. Although I was sure he would not reply, I was at such a low point that I thought I really had nothing to lose... So I sent him a text message. I just said to him that I wanted to tell him I missed him and still think about him...
    I had taken some sleeping pills so I could be out of the pain for a little while. When I woke up I checked my phone and saw he had replied. What surprized me even more was what he said... he said I know I still think about you too. Hope youre doing ok.
    I went on to say that I had been dealing with some medical issues but that I was doing better. He asked what had been wrong and I told him what was going on...
    A week ago, I found out I have a very bad B12 deficiency. I looked up symptoms on this, and I had almost all of them. Migraines, memory loss, insomnia, numbness in feet and depression... Which would explain a lot. I had been dealing with depression for awhile and was given almost everything out there for it but nothing really helped.
    That was part of what happened with us. I was depressed and very negative. I know this just wore on him after awhile. But even still he was the only person I was ever with that I believe really loved me. That is why I miss him so much ...
    I now have to get shots for the B12 which I hope will help me feel better... I just wish I had found this out sooner and it could have saved our relationship....
     
  11. ket93

    ket93 Well-Known Member

    I know I have probably set myself up for more hurt in the long run... but it is so good just to talk to him...
    I know that we will probably never be together again. I wish there was a way....
     
  12. Polar

    Polar Account Closed

    Hi Ket93,

    I'm sorry for the delay with my response. We have a power failure at home and I've had to go to the library in town.

    I'm so pleased that you and your ex-boyfriend have spoken. Judging by the nature of the conversation, it sounds like he does still care about you. For example asking how you are and saying he still thinks about you.

    Sometimes we can't go back and change the past. The great thing about my ex-girlfriend and I was that we were both inwardly negative but outwardly positive. So being negative isn't always a bad thing. It's just good to have somebody who will listen to you.

    You seem much better from the last post and it's great that you're getting that suspected B12 looked at. You're correct. You don't want to die. You just want the pain to end and it will.

    Maybe just see how you go with your ex-boyfriend and let things happen. I'm sure you'd still like to have him as a friend and it sounds like he would still like to have you as a friend too.

    Take care and I'm sorry for the delay.

    Kind regards,

    Polar
     
  13. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel ket93, I had a girlfriend that I fell in love with and more than a year later I still have feelings for her. Sometimes I feel like if I can't be with her then I don't want to go on either, but I think how much it would hurt her if I did kill myself, and if I did that then I definitely couldn't be with her again.

    It's clear that you have a lot of pain that you feel like you can't deal with, but you've made the first step by talking about it. Writing helps, you should try getting a blank piece of paper and write down everything that comes to mind, how you feel etc and be brutally honest. When you're done you can either read it or throw it away, but it lets out the feelings that are built up within you and it will make you feel better. Also, I recommend reading a book called A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle he speaks of pain and the way our thoughts and memories manifest it, and what to do to alleviate the pain. Even if you don't want to, I say give it a go. What do you have to lose?
     
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