I'm a 30 year old female and 2 years ago I moved from one side of the country to the other to live with my boyfriend. I've suffered depression, bipolar and/or borderline personality disorder and severe social anxiety most of my life. I've got two children- my son lives with his dad and I get to see him during the summers and my daughter was being raised by myself and my mom. My mom has always helped me out with my daughter, really doing more of the raising of her than I have. I am just a shi**y mom. Before I moved out here, I was in the sex business- an escort... a prostitute essentially. I'd waited tables until I was 22, tried dancing after that but couldn't do it without getting drunk (because of my anxiety) and with no other options I was able to see, I turned to escorting. It allowed me the luxury to make a lot of money in one hour's time, to set my own hours, to work as little as possible for maximum money, and to cancel on anyone I wanted to. When I moved out here I was going to continue working in the sex business somehow (maybe not as an escort but something close) and my daughter (who wanted to finish out the school year back in GA) would move out later on, living with my mom until then. I decided not to return to the business, having my boyfriend support me. My mom, daughter, and I were all okay with my daughter staying back there for the most part. During the past two years, at least twice I have made plans to return to live in GA, and told my mom and daughter I was going to. They got really excited because they really want me back there, but I broke their hearts when I told them I was staying. This past weekend I did this again- telling them I was going to come live there but backing out... Only I haven't been able to bring myself to tell them this yet. My daughter is almost 13 and has her own mental health issues. She is going to be absolutely devastated when she finds out I am not going to go back. I love my daughter so very much and this was the toughest decision I have ever had to make. My family is going to hate me, and they mean the world to me. I decided to stay because overall, I have done very well here, especially in regards to my mental health. I am well on my way to getting disability (a long process), I have a number of mental health resources here that just are not available like this back in GA. If I go back to GA, what is going to happen is that I will go back to prostituting myself out, and I'll psyche myself up about it for a couple of months, and once the excitement wears out I will just sink into despair. I see that as my only option back there- getting a job right now, the way I am right now, is just not something I can do. I have tried. So essentially I've had to make a decision between my own mental health and well-being and making my family happy. Had I decided to go back it would have been for them. Both possible decisions were both right and wrong, there was no correct option. And I decided to stay here because I can't be a good mother since I can't even take care of myself. So where that leaves me is: I have to tell my family. Today. And they are going to be SO hurt and lash out at me and hate me and I just can't stand the thought of this. I just don't know how to tell them. I think they will eventually get over their anger, but between now and then is going to be awful. I don't want them to hate me. I just don't know how I can bring myself to tell them. And my daughter's birthday is at the end of the month. My blabbing mouth told my daughter that my return would be her birthday present, and she was SO excited about this. She called me a little while ago and I just couldn't bear to answer the phone. I just don't know how I can go through with this. Please help.