Can Someone Please Put A Firecracker Up My ....?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by LetItGo, Oct 2, 2008.

  1. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    :eek:hmy::mellow::sad:

    Its all getting to me again..figured its been a while since ive put together a good whine and SF is the ultimate place for a whine, so why not? :wink:

    Is anybody here passionate about stuff? able to intensely focus on something and really enjoy it? I dont seem to care a lot about anything. All I ever seem to muster is a passing interest, whether its games, culture, politics, people, places, food, music...nothing excites me.

    Sometimes I can focus on a particular subject or idea for a couple weeks, a month, but it never ends up becoming a long term interest. It always get tossed aside for something else or nothing at all.

    Im so fucking tired. Even when I go out for a couple hours, take in some fresh air and some light exercise, not long after I come home, I just wanna curl up in a ball and sleep. It should pick me up right? Well it doesnt.

    I look at all the shit in the world, everything thats going on, its an exciting time to be alive, so why cant I give a fuck and do something useful, say something useful, be someone useful!!

    Kristen deserves someone better, and I have no doubt a couple months into university life she will find someone, I give as much as I can, but all the hugs and love in the world isnt going to make up for my other shortcomings. I dunno, I feel like where on the Titanic and im just waiting for the iceberg to pop up.

    If this relationship fails, my friendships fail, my life fails, its all down to me. Im the one with the problem, the lack of drive and direction. I think i was born with a defective gene.

    How can I find something to make me wanna get out of bed in the morning, something that will hold, something that sticks. I told K, I think one of the problems is I dont try enough things, dont see enough, dont experience enough...so I dont give myself an opportunity to find something and pursue it.

    Man I feel like a fucking loser.

    Someone grab the biggest phat ass firecracker they can find and let me have it!
     
  2. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    said all this before havent I, does repetition for emphasis give me an excuse? If someone has a bright spark moment id love to hear it :(
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Actually Matt, this is so how I've been thinking and feeling this kind of spooked me out:blink:
    Know exactly what you're saying, even stuff I did have a passion for , now...can't be asked.
    Used to read 3-5 books a week, can't even read a comic now:dry:
    To be repetitive and say it's depression just seems a cop out, but somewhere I lost any zest for well anything!! and sounds like you have a dose of the same. :hug:
     
  4. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    I knew you were more the type of guy who likes it up his butt, so im sorry I cant help you with that :sad:
    Ok sorry I couldnt resist it. You know me, lol at least you did. I know how you feel, gladly my parents are freaking tyrans who pick me up and keep pushing me. Its hard to do it all on your own, so dont think you should be able to just do it when you feel like that.
    You are sometone usefull, you did lots of usefull stuff, look at kristen, how much she has changed, as from what Ive heard, youve been a really big influence on that. I think youre an amazing person who has helped lots of people, especially when you compare with the rest of this world. You shouldnt forget all the things youve done and only remember the negative stuff.
    Hoped things gotten better between you and kristen, but no way youre not good enough for her. But like you she has shortcomings too, its normal, you shouldnt be so hard on yourself. Shes damn lucky to have you in her life, dont blame everything on yourself. Because its not all your fault, you just have gotten so used on the idea it is.
    Anyway told you lots of times, im her for you.
     
  5. bluebird002

    bluebird002 Active Member

    If you could find a new hobby or interest, it could take your interest and tide you over for a while. It would be something to add to the experiences list and make you feel less bad even if it doesn't stick or not much comes of it.

    Films, literature, planning and executing a trip somewhere, making something, taking a class in something, a writing project, trying out something you've wanted to learn such as cooking or electrics (it doesn't matter if it's too hard or doesn't work out, just know that you've tried it and had a taste).

    just a suggestion. Personally I can relate to what you wrote. It hurts feeling like a loser with the low self-worth that comes with it :(
     
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It is the depression that sneaks up on you and makes you feel that way. Just when you think things might be looking up it slams right back into you with a vengeance. Don't let it fill your head with thoughts of worthlessness. You are a fantastic person. :hug:
     
  7. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    c'mon. use yer imagination :biggrin:

    sorry..carry on :blink:
     
  8. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    yeah i know always could use a strap on, right :tongue:

    also
    Sorry Matt, had to respond on it.. carry on :blink:

    bluebird002 Re: Can Someone Please Put A Firecracker Up My ....?

    I think its easy to find something youre interested in, a hobbie, but actually doing it and keep on going with is damn hard. But I agree if it doesnt work out, at least you have a taste, but I guess you need someone who pushes you to do it, wanna borrow my parents >.< Nah lol, I already need them, but thats why I suggested to see a therapist. Mine really pushed me to do things.
     
  9. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    obviously. sorry. I was in a more ZANY mood at the time of that post.
    right now, I'd feel warm and fuzzy if all the national emergency broadcast
    systems were going apeshit "citizens, do NOT panic. bend over and kiss
    your sorry asses bye bye. we iz all goin up in a GIGANTIC mushroom
    cloud. please stay tuned for further details."

    sounds good to me. I'll go take a nap.