hmy::mellow::sad: Its all getting to me again..figured its been a while since ive put together a good whine and SF is the ultimate place for a whine, so why not? :wink: Is anybody here passionate about stuff? able to intensely focus on something and really enjoy it? I dont seem to care a lot about anything. All I ever seem to muster is a passing interest, whether its games, culture, politics, people, places, food, music...nothing excites me. Sometimes I can focus on a particular subject or idea for a couple weeks, a month, but it never ends up becoming a long term interest. It always get tossed aside for something else or nothing at all. Im so fucking tired. Even when I go out for a couple hours, take in some fresh air and some light exercise, not long after I come home, I just wanna curl up in a ball and sleep. It should pick me up right? Well it doesnt. I look at all the shit in the world, everything thats going on, its an exciting time to be alive, so why cant I give a fuck and do something useful, say something useful, be someone useful!! Kristen deserves someone better, and I have no doubt a couple months into university life she will find someone, I give as much as I can, but all the hugs and love in the world isnt going to make up for my other shortcomings. I dunno, I feel like where on the Titanic and im just waiting for the iceberg to pop up. If this relationship fails, my friendships fail, my life fails, its all down to me. Im the one with the problem, the lack of drive and direction. I think i was born with a defective gene. How can I find something to make me wanna get out of bed in the morning, something that will hold, something that sticks. I told K, I think one of the problems is I dont try enough things, dont see enough, dont experience enough...so I dont give myself an opportunity to find something and pursue it. Man I feel like a fucking loser. Someone grab the biggest phat ass firecracker they can find and let me have it!