Can someone tell me they love me?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by konakula, Apr 7, 2010.

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  1. konakula

    konakula Member

    Some days I don't feel loved, don't feel like anyone is out there that would miss me if I were to dissapear tomorrow. I've been on a tremendous downward spiral since fall 2008 and every single time I make head way it somehow manages to fall apart and turn to dust in my hands. I'd go into all the details but I doubt anyone would really care to listen to them on here.

    I hate that on the outside it looks like I have this amazing life and all these great things happening to make me happy, but it's all a house of cards I've built to hide the true me, the truth of me being depressed.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I love you and I would really like to hear your story too.

    Maybe together we can find a way out of the dark and into a new happier life for you.

    Many here can relate to what you are going through so continue to post and let us know what is going on.

    I know I don't know you but you suffer from the same pain as I do so in that sense I love and care about you. :arms:
  3. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    everyone is loved here
  4. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    i love you too :hug: share your story with us, let us help you :console: i, and many other people here know what its like to be in awful pain, and we want to help you
  5. konakula

    konakula Member

    Well I've been depressed on and off since 2007 when my grandmother died which I haven't been able to deal with, after which my depression worked it's way into my employment and having to deal with this while working on a marriage while doing lots of other things stretched me way beyond and I cracked. I lost the job, my marriage ended with her cheating on me and I've yet t be able to turn things around, that was 2 years ago.
    So in the last year I thought I could move on, I started dating a new girl, made a plan for new employment(joined the military), and started feeling a bit better, the feelings never truly went away and this January, after a year together I found out that this girl I am dating was cheating on me while I was away training for about 2 months, I don't have the love for me to end it with her and the depression has come back stronger then ever. I've sought help, have broken down on more then one occasion and it momentarily feels better after, but the feelings always return. Every day I wake up and feel a little worse, every day I think about ending things, every day I try to tell myself its a new day and new things will happen, but it's always the same crap and same state of mind.

    That in essence is my story, why I'm really depressed and why I'm seeking help for my life, I thought I could handle it on my own but know that I can't. I have extreme trust issues with everyone in my life and feel that everything I touch turns to dust in my hands.

    I want to thank everyone on here for your love, it has gotten me through the last few days, sometimes the love of a stranger is better then anything else.
  6. White_Darkness

    White_Darkness Well-Known Member

    Hi Konakula, welcome to the forum! You are loved my friend <3
    We're here to help you, to support you. Thank you for sharing your story.
  7. konakula

    konakula Member

    Some days are really easy and things look like they are improving, others, like today are far worse and it takes all my strength to not just turn the wheel on my way to work...
  8. White_Darkness

    White_Darkness Well-Known Member

    Aw, I know and hate that feeling. It's like the world's most terrible roller coaster and the worst part is that you don't know how to stop the ride.. Urgh.

    What's making this Friday such a bad day? Like to talk about it?
    Don't do anything bad, konakula. Suicide is never the answer. We're here if you need to vent <3
  9. konakula

    konakula Member

    Family, friends, love, pretty much anything can kick me at any time.
    one minute I'm feeling up, the next I fall to the floor in pain. My main source of pain now is my love and my feelings of being all alone. I want to be better, I truly do, but most days I feel closed off and choking on everything in my life.
  10. konakula

    konakula Member

    Today is a hard day, I'm not even sure what triggered it but this is the worst day in a long time. All I want to do is crawl under a rock somewhere and disappear.

    I just don't know what to do any's so hard dealing with this every day.
  11. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    I love YOU <3 :hug:
  12. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    I love you xxx
  13. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

    I love you for being you and for taking the step to write all that down:hug:
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