Can suicide be an addiction?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Solo, Aug 28, 2016.

  1. Solo

    Solo New Member

    I'm new here and I bet this has come up before but I couldn't find a thread. I hope it's ok to post this here because I'm really struggling with this right now. I'm trying to understand why I can't turn off the urge to hurt myself. I have attempted twice in the past and I think about it constantly. I started thinking about suicide when I was 11. Since then it's my constant companion. I even see it in my head as a sensuous woman who knows exactly what to say to get my heart racing. I have had many upsets in my life including childhood abuse, career failings, losing family members and a lot of contention in the family I do interact with. I just went the longest I have ever gone in my life without thinking about death all the time. This was a little over a year and a half ago. I had ECT done. It has really changed my life, for instance I'm here trying to talk about it. That would NEVER have happened. The thing is, is that, that woman is back. She makes suicide sound so damn exciting. I can't tell the people I'm around how unstable I feel, mostly because I know people have no idea what to say to a suicidal person and it scares the hell out of them. And sometimes I don't feel unstable, so I think why should I worry them. But lately I feel a shaking deep in my core, that the effort of being positive, energetic and goal directed is pushing me off the cliff into insanity. I want to stop thinking about it. I want to feel. Anything. Anything but this rising of butterflies in my stomach when I think about suicide. That makes me happy. But I don't want to be happy in that way. Does any of this even make sense? What do I do?
  2. BrianNoHope

    BrianNoHope New Member

    For me, suicide thoughts are very addictive. it's the one thing in this world that I know will solve all my it's the one thing in this world that I know will solve all my pain and problems. That can be very addicting! I'm glad to see ECT has worked. I tried EMDR and it had help me with some things. Keep looking for more help and if you find yourself struggling, grab a friend run to Disneyland to get out of your funk and location.
  3. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Suicidal thoughts are addictive. They become automatic. Something happens and you think of suicide. Google 'automatic thoughts'. Some shrink came up with the terms. We think of suicide so often that it really does become automatic to think of it.
  4. calvinandhobbs

    calvinandhobbs Well-Known Member

    I agree. It's instant gratification. When you hurt so much to know ... One simple thing and bam... No more pain and suffering . Nice