can't be bothered to go into it. generally my trust has been violated over and over and now i feel like i can't trust anyone not even my therapist. (she's doing a case study on me i signed an agreement when i was in a questionable frame of mind 2 years ago). yeah. well. don't think i'm ever gonna have a relationship any time soon. i feel like i'm in some kind of twilight zone nightmare with what's gone on with me recently. i've broken up with my gf. and i just feel like i'm in the 'WTF' mode still. i find it even difficult to open up threads saying i feel bad so i sit and spew it all in the diary thing . i feel fucking pathetic and how fucking scared i am to let people comfort me or hold me, i just feel 'i can do this all myself' because the times i have let people comfort me, they betray my trust somehow, or in my ex gfs case, when i confronted her about something that upset me, she took it as a good reason to break up with me completely which shows how much she wanted to be with me in the first place? i've had no sleep. i'm losing time again. i don't trust my counsellor. my life, generally is going to pieces again and i'll probably sit and mull over my thoughts and post a billion posts screaming to no one for the rest of my fucking life :wink: i don't self harm anymore or attempt suicide often, i never have done so seriously, (so doctors think i'm perfectly fine now), i feel no strong urge to self harm (although i have thoughts) and my eating disorder is so much better. but still, it's the suicidal feelings/deprssion which is coming on and its overwhelming me and i just hate that.