Can the Battle be won

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ckalex8508, Oct 5, 2008.

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  1. ckalex8508

    ckalex8508 Member


    Can the battle be won on feeling suicidial 24/7 365 days a year. I have yet won that battle, I've been in and out of mental health centers and nothing has yet to help my thoughts they get worse and worse with every suicidal thought that comes in my mind. The voices the commands seeing myself outside of myself is very hard. Even though I have attempted many times you think I'd learned my lesson but with every attempt the voices get stronger and louder and the commands come often. So can the battle be won or is it a losing war of despair like Kay Redfield Jamison quotes. "Anyone who suggests that coming back from suicidal despair is a straightforward journey has never taken it." This quote is very true I can identify with this woman. I wish I could win that battle, but I think the only to win it is to die.:sad:
  2. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    It can be won. You just have to believe in yourself. Ignore the voices and think "I want a happy life" then go for it :wink:
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    How about trying to change up your dailey routine? Maybe it will lead to some interest in things that make you happy. I relate to you because I have been there. I have been suicidal for the last 15 years. I have fought it dailey then I finally asked for help. It has taken the last three years of therapy to get me on the right path. I still fight it but have decided to keep pushing forward. Tomorrow I am going to apply for a part time job. I have been on disibility for those 15 years. I was an isolationist all those years actually I still am. once I have taken care of the things I need to do I go right back in my room and stay there. I am trying to make an attempt and hope it pans out.~Joseph~
  4. ckalex8508

    ckalex8508 Member

    I have tried to change my daily activies and nothing works the thoughts the voices the commands I try to ingore those but they are stronger than I am, they have power over me I have no power over them, I hope to try therapy and maybe different meds.:huh:
  5. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    It can most certainly be won. And I think there's a part of you that knows this, and is crying to be heard. If you didn't know this, you wouldn't have asked the question, because you know that no one will tell you it is hopeless.
    And it isn't!

    What have you tried so far to make you happy? Maybe try the opposite. Try something way out there. If it is really 24/7 365 days a year, obviously something isn't working. Try doing the exact opposite of everything you have been doing. Stop listening to all the advice and voices of everyone who tell you how to get better and it just doesn't work. Listen to yourself. To your heart.

    I have just started catching glimpses of happiness, of how it is to be guilt free. Of what it means to be happy and not a fake kind of happiness. And it's very scary. If you've not a moment of happiness. Again, if it's really 24/7, it might be very scary actually beginning to feel happy for the first time when it does happen. But it will be so worth it. Keep the knowing in your heart that we're here for you and you will make it.

    love, Spencer :heart:
  6. ithuriel

    ithuriel Well-Known Member

    i have not posted here for sometime.
    can it be won ?
    i am way better than i was last xmas when i was in despair.
    thats not to say i do not think about it but i am more balanced and have been doing o.k.
    little steps a day at a time and finding something , anything to occupy my time.
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Good Morning Cindy,
    Have they tried medicating you for skizzo? If you are hearing voices that is a sure sign of it. My doctor keeps asking me if I hear them? I tell him no but I see things. I see like snakes squirming around in my perifuial vision and I see spiders running across my desk while I am on the computer. I'll stop what I am doing and look for them! There is never anything there.
    As far as my suicidal thoughts they also are there dailey. I have learned thru three years of theapy to live with them because they aren't ever going to go away! I think my last attempt was like back in last November so it has been almost a year since I have tried!
    I hope you find a way to live with them. I keep telling my self nope not today, and I kind of set them aside and think of other things. Mental disease really sucks but you can find ways of dealing with them!!!Take Care!~Joseph~
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Cindy. What exactly have those voices said to you? Were they positive or negative? How did they sound? Could you be schizophrenic or could there be something else going on here? If these are negative voices, then you have to tell them to go away and leave you alone. You have the power within yourself to get rid of them. Don't let them control you. :hug:
  9. ckalex8508

    ckalex8508 Member

    No they have diagnosised with every other thing but as having scko.
  10. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Just have strength and believe iin yourself. I am sure others believe in you too. You can win this battle i know :)
  11. ckalex8508

    ckalex8508 Member

    I have often wondered why God put me on this earth, even though I have attempted to take my own life more than once. The voices have gotten louder, and the commands stronger. I still see the dead people that have died in my life, they want to help me but I can't accept that help, they are dead for one, and its freaking me out. I feel guilty, and I feel like I'm being punished, for any and everything that goes wrong in my life or in the lives of my family. I tried about 3 nights ago to committ suicide my taking a handful of 300 mg seroquel but all I did was sleep an when my mom found the letter she asked and I lied. I told her that if I got to feeling that way I would call someone. Any thoughts.

  12. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I think you may have the ability (extra sensory perception) to see ghosts/spirits Cindy. Have you tried interacting with them? Having this ability also makes you vulnerable to negative spirits, which might be the voices that you're hearing. I know that seeing people who have died might be kind of freaky, but you have to try and be strong. I've heard that some spirits need help crossing over to the other side. Maybe that could be a purpose of your existence? :hug:
  13. ckalex8508

    ckalex8508 Member

    Well I don't think its that. I see them because they were family I was close too, and died. I think they have it in for me. I usually see one person that is in no relation to my family. I have seen her since I was about 3 yrs old. She is about 5ft 2in white with a pretty flowing white satin dress, with a red rose behind her left ear. She stars at me and she looks like she is coming toward me, with sad eyes and her lips moving like she wants help. Its been very hard on me I tried committing suicide even though it didn't work. Sometimes I wanna get better but the voices and ppl don't want me to get better. If I don't do what they say they will ultmatly punish me.

    Any Thoughts Thanks:eek:hmy::sad:
  14. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    At first, I thought that this lady that keeps visiting you could be your guardian angel, but it might be that she needs help crossing over to the other side. When you say that 'they' will punish you, this really concerns me. Spirits that will punish you if you don't do what they want sound like negative spirits to me. Good spirits wouldn't do that to you. How do they punish you if you don't mind my asking?
  15. ckalex8508

    ckalex8508 Member

    They make me cut myself, or scratch myself, or they tell me to take more pills than i need 2. I believe in ghost, and spirits, but I really don't think its about negative or postive spirits. They can Punish me anyway they feel, not necerassily those top picks, anyway they feel.:mad::dry:
  16. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Always remember Cindy, that you are in control of yourself, not those awful spirits. They don't have the power to force you to do something that you don't want to do. Fight them as hard as you can. :hug:
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