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Can We Really Ever Move On?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Beautiful_Disaster_09, May 30, 2009.

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  1. Beautiful_Disaster_09

    Beautiful_Disaster_09 Well-Known Member

    I am glad to see there is a section on this forum for the topic of Rape and Abuse.

    I was sexual abused at aged seven and it went on for two years. I did not understand what was happening but in the last eight years I never forgotten what was done to me.

    At fifteen I was raped by an ex boyfriend. He was underage therefore could not be prosecuted. He was fourteen and surely he knew what he was doing? He commited a crime and because of his age he could not be charged. Does that mean what he did was okay? He is free to go and do it all again. That is what hurts me the most. He completely broke my trust and ruined the confidence I had left after the abuse. I have never stopped thinking about it and he forced me to change my way of life and nothing will ever give me back what I had. I lost friends and people I really cared about and I can never get them back.

    So can we really move on from rape and abuse?
  2. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    I'm not sure... My reaction completely screwed up my life. I went into therapy for an eating disorder, dropped out of school, couldn't leave the house for months.
    Destroyed my trust in people, I isolated myself. No, I don't think I'll ever get over that... Is it possible? I'd like to think so.
  3. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    I haven't honestly figured out a way to get over it, and I've been in therapy for almost 20 years, off and on. Thoughts, memories, nightmares, and the reactions all continue to rear their ugly heads. I did forget for many years, but then what happened screwed me up so badly that I forgot everything else too. Now I have most of my memories back, but I'm not sure that's better. So I dunno. Far as I'm concerned, something like this ruins a human being for the rest of their lives - that's why it's so completely unforgivable to me. I put rape and accompanying abuses above murder on the scale of "wrongs" - you die when you're murdered. You live when you're raped and abused.
  4. Beautiful_Disaster_09

    Beautiful_Disaster_09 Well-Known Member

    I agree with you Brighid Moon. I was in counselling for just a year and I gave up on because no matter how much I talked about the abuse and the rape it was never going to make them disappear. I use the abuse and rape as an excuse for everything and I cannot help that.

    I understand where you are coming from when you say it can ruin a human being for the rest of their lives. I agree about it being above murder and you are so right about the dying when you are murdered and living when you're been raped and abused. I think that is the hardest part - living with it. You have these constant memories in your head and nobody understands unless they have been through it.

    As far as I am concerned rape and abuse never goes away no matter how hard you try to get it out of your mind.
  5. Beautiful_Disaster_09

    Beautiful_Disaster_09 Well-Known Member

    At the time I did not really know how to react to all of it. I think my reactions came years after (if that is even possible?) Over the past few years I have had problems with eating, I have wanted to leave school and I have times where I stay in my house and not speak to people. My trust was completely destroyed to the the point where I don't even trust any of my friends or family. I cut myself of from everything and that left me feeling like I would be like this forever.

    It is good to see you have hope that you will move on and I am sure time will heal some of those emotional scars you have.
  6. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I think to move on, or to get over things can be harmful. My mother is a prime example, she denies things. She lives in this bubble of denial and complacency and she let a lot of despicable things happen to her children.

    You are still here , although you feel so wrecked and ruined, you've survived what happened, so you protected yourself in ways you mightn't be fully aware of. What happened to you threatened your life and I'm sorry to hear the pain you're suffering and what you went through. I realised recently, without knowing it, I've always been healing I've always been trying to protect myself and screaming to others in my own way. And memories can be life threatening when they are bad, I've realised that...to fully realise what has happened to me, I nearly killed myself and have been dying. I thought the pain would never end but it has- it has when I realised I'd been feeling wounds, rather than numbing myself through my ED, self harm and relationships that silenced me. It ended and I felt so amazed when my eating disorder didn't have use for me. It isn't as painful now, because I know I love life and was working things through in my mind, all the time when I was in such extreme pain. I screamed so so loud, to everyone and let them know what they did (these people are the ones who had some responsibility with the damage in me). And I got through it alive and I do hope I will protect myself better. I never want to forget, I want to learn. Forgetting, numbing, can let people do what they want to me and shut me up and I've got a lot to say. I just feel like all that pain, I'm finding ways of dealing with it other than how I have done before- and in that way, I love being alive because I'm feeling again
    Last edited by a moderator: May 31, 2009
  7. Beautiful_Disaster_09

    Beautiful_Disaster_09 Well-Known Member

    That is really good to here. You sound a really brave and couragous person :)
  8. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    I agree with ggg4567, moving on is possible and painful - but worth the struggle - to feel again. You have already survived - now is time to put the strength you have already shown to work.

    If by "moving on" you mean always avoiding and running from - erasing it (what anyone would want to do) then no - you won't move on because it can't be erased, it won't go away. Stop, look at it and declare - the rapists won't succeed in continuing to destroy.

    If by "moving on" you mean building a life where you will be safe and confident. A life where you will feel again - both good feelings and bad. Then yes, I can see that it is possible. You will be stronger for it.

    Get help so that you won't have to face it alone.
  9. Gemballs

    Gemballs Well-Known Member

    after years of child buse and rap, i still have never found a way to get over it and i never think i will. Its hard to find a way and i really do resect people ho can because its the hardest thing to do.
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