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Can you be happy and suicidal at the same time???

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Butterfly

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#1
I am feeling quite content at present. I love being with my fiance I feel a lot more relaxed now he is here than I did a couple of weeks ago. However I am still thinking of suicide and I am still trying various methods, though not the big planned one yet. I have had so much bad news the past few weeks I just dont know how much more I can take. I am now really at risk of being made to take a break from university as I now have to be refferred to occupational health and my cousin died last week of such a horrible gruesome death it is awful. Although I seem to be at peace, I am struggling so much right now.
 

Lady E

Well-Known Member
#3
You may seem at peace on a certain levels but you said yourself you have received some terrible news and are still struggling. You can be happy and relieved that your fiance is home but it doesn't lessen the other pain you are going through.
There is nothing wrong with taking a break from Uni if you need to. I would definitely recommend seeing a counselor or someone just to talk about how you are feeling and how to process your cousin's passing. I offer my condolences. It's hard to lose someone especially in a gruesome manner.
If you ever need to talk pm me!
 

Ringo

Well-Known Member
#4
I am feeling quite content at present. I love being with my fiance I feel a lot more relaxed now he is here than I did a couple of weeks ago. However I am still thinking of suicide and I am still trying various methods, though not the big planned one yet. I have had so much bad news the past few weeks I just dont know how much more I can take. I am now really at risk of being made to take a break from university as I now have to be refferred to occupational health and my cousin died last week of such a horrible gruesome death it is awful. Although I seem to be at peace, I am struggling so much right now.
I've had lots of times in my life where I've been quite content and not overly down and depressed but still have the suicidal thoughts in my head. I think I'm just good at forgetting my problems and struggling on but have no real hope of a good future.

Sounds like a pretty bad time you're going through just now. Most people would struggle in that situation. Think it would definitely help you to speak to someone and explain to them how you feel.
 

takencontrol

Well-Known Member
#5
being content and having people you love around you doesnt lessen the hard stuff you are going through, it just means you have more support around you to lessen the blow. i think if we are honest we all have times where we feel 'less' depressed but the thoughts and feelings are still there. hope things get better for you and you are able to get through this rough patch.
 

tweetypie

Antiquities Friend
#6
:hug: hi honey ...its no wonder you are feeling so all over the place. I think its no surprise that you feel happy for some things and suicidal at the same time. You have had such an awful few months !! Most people would have thrown in the towel by now but you are coping ..i know it doesnt feel like it but you are. You are such a brave woman. If you need to take a break from things then do it. I know you dont want to because you love your nursing but sometimes you have to do something you dont want to for the sake of your health. Big Big hugs xxxxxx
 

icequeen

Well-Known Member
#7
hi butterfly, yes, you can be happy and suicidal at same time. its a real mix of emotions. i cant actually say i was happy but i dissociate and smile and can still throw myself under wheels or into sea. its an odd feeling and i can only assume its a form of dissociation so dont let it worry you as scary as it is. i dont know about you but i tend to over think which makes things worse. dont beat yourself up, its not unusal. stay safe :hug:
 

Butterfly

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#8
I think you guys have summed it up for me. I think I am feeling more content because I am not alone like I was before. My pain is still there and still real. I am still struggling but I guess now I have Ben to fall back on rathee rhan just a computer screen. I just feel so confused. Im happy I have Ben herw but I still have all this shit to deal with and I want to give up.
 
#9
yes, it is possible to have seemingly contradictory feelings like that. some days when im feeling suicidal, im also feeling really down. other days im quite content but im still thinking about ending myself.
 
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