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Can you be suicidal without being depressed?

Butterfly

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#1
I've answered this question on this forum so many times and my answer has always been that some mental illness has to be present in order to feel suicidal. But I feel differently now that I'm feeling this way.

I have Schizoaffective Disorder, a mix of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I spent approximately a year in hospital during 2 different stays in 2019 and earlier this year. I have probably been completely stable since around April/May time. I've gone back to work, been with my bf for 7 months and everything is great. My mood is stable and my psychosis mostly stable. Stress is at a minimum. So I am not sure why I am thinking about my go to method. I feel as if I am being pushed to do it but I don't know why. I'm genuinely content with life so I don't know where this is all coming from.
 

Butterfly

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#6
@Waves I don't know if I am truly suicidal or not. I'm getting flashes of my go to method and feel the urge to end my life. It's quite unsettling.
 

sinking_ship

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#9
I'm not sure Butterfly. I think for me it's sometimes anxiety that leads to my suicidal thoughts, and sometimes it's depression. And then sometimes I think it might just be habit - the thought can pop into my head for seemingly no reason because it already was there somewhere.

I think the important thing is that you do know you don't really want to do it. So try to remind yourself of that as much as you need to if the thoughts pop in to your head. Hopefully it will pass soon. *hug
 

Harmony

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#10
Could be a component of schizoaffective.
Habit
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I think it would be best to discuss the nuances with your doctor. I'm just giving some ideas that come to mind but what does your Dr. think? It's an intrusive thought even though it's not connected to an emotion.
 

Butterfly

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#11
I'm not sure Butterfly. I think for me it's sometimes anxiety that leads to my suicidal thoughts, and sometimes it's depression. And then sometimes I think it might just be habit - the thought can pop into my head for seemingly no reason because it already was there somewhere.

I think the important thing is that you do know you don't really want to do it. So try to remind yourself of that as much as you need to if the thoughts pop in to your head. Hopefully it will pass soon. *hug

I'm not sure if I want to do it or not. It does feel unnatural and disturbing. I guess because I could walk out right now and do it. I feel indifferent towards it. It's hard to explain. But i feel mentally well. It's very odd.

Could be a component of schizoaffective.
Habit
Meds
I think it would be best to discuss the nuances with your doctor. I'm just giving some ideas that come to mind but what does your Dr. think? It's an intrusive thought even though it's not connected to an emotion.
I don't speak with my doctor until 8th October. I don't think it's habit because I've been suicidal free since the beginning of the year. No thoughts up until now.
 

Harmony

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#12
Do you think with the indifference you feel that you are safe? That would be what is really important and what I would try to remain the most in tune to as it seems you are, although it is very unsettling.
 
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MisterBGone

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#13
In short, to answer your question posed in the title of the thread. Yes—(in fact many who experience manic episodes, or mania; such as those with a diagnosis for bipolar disorder...) / _are in fact at more (or higher) risk for suicide attempts when in
The manic phases of their cycle. While this may seem counterintuitive to some, to me - it does not.
 

Butterfly

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#15
The indifference is what's scary. It's not like I'm obsessing over dying cos I'm not. I feel like it's necessary and I don't know why. It's almost like I'm being pushed.
 

MisterBGone

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#16
The indifference is what's scary. It's not like I'm obsessing over dying cos I'm not. I feel like it's necessary and I don't know why. It's almost like I'm being pushed.
And it is this very thing that reminds me most of the schizophrenic side of things—but I am not an expert; hardly would qualify for an amateur. I guess that you have the insight into such matters is a good sign. Also, could be partly a case where if this is something you’ve always deeply desired — then now that the waters have calmed — & things are going well, you’re headed in the right direction. It’s sort of your subconscious, or innate tendency, or feeling—almost intuitively, like a gravitational pull. . . That’s driving you to this, despite your reservations. So, it’s as if it’s all you’ve ever known: or at least have spent so much significant time marking around in said territory, that it is resurfacing, sort of as if to say - “hey! Don’t forget about me...” /(but what do I know?!) __ ; ) —this is where being under the guidance and direction of an expert is the most reasonable and sensible thing to do. As the last thing you’d want, I’m assured, is to exit stage left for reasons you can’t even quite explain - (beyond sort of a “feeling,” that feels—so—right...) Right? I know you said you don’t see him next month. But this would be a good thing for him to know about, before then, and in a fashion that is apt & accurate (in my unprofessional opinion!). : )
 

Aurelia

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#18
It's a question of whether being suicidal is abnormal. Considering that we, as humans, are biologically programmed to want to survive, I would say that yes, it's abnormal, and therefore, a mental illness must be present. However, it could perhaps also be viewed as a philosophical matter, but I won't get into that.
 

SillyOldBear

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#19
A psychologist once told me that the thought can have occurred so often during one's life that it becomes automatic. So that even when all is going well it comes to mind.
 

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