Can you become someone else?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Freya, Dec 22, 2011.

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  1. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    I decided "enough of this crap - its time to either give up for good or sort it out."
    So okay - I am all in favour of the proactive approach (if I think proactivity can resolve anything) so I sat down with a pen and a note book (I am a lists girl) to try to "sort it out" and after an hour or so of looking at what I want, who I am and how I feel, I have reached the conclusion that in order to even be remotely happy I am going to have to become someone else.
    I've talked about the BDD before so I am not going to labour that point - but surfice to say that everything about how I look has to change. Not only that though - who I am needs to change. Problem is... I am not sure what the problem is. I have looked for feedback from people and the only thing anyone is able to suggest is "you're too nice". I fail to see how a person can be "too" nice. I am not a "yes" person... I do not agree with people unless I agree; I stand up for my point of view; I will tell you if I think you're being an ass etc... so how am I too nice?
    That was kinda rhetorical and off the point. Sorry.
    The point IS - do you think its possible to become someone else? I hate this person - I genuinely cannot stand her and I sincerely hope I am not stuck with her :/
  2. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    I think wanting to grow and change is healthy, but disregarding who you are right now in favor of an idea or construction is a.. It's good in one sense yes, but the perceptions and underlaying issues that are here now need to be addressed and respected, so you can find the ways to help yourself release some of the conclusions youve made of yourself, or for your future self. I guess it depends. Sometimes it's good to just say fuck it in favor of a more progressive lifestyle. Instead of dwelling on the issues, using that energy to bring and Create more positive things in your life.
    That's different though to fundamentally changing who you are, either by forced discipline or abusive/neglectful perceptions of yourself. It's difficult to give a general point of view cause it can be benifical, but it can also be very much a waste of time, aswell as deceptive to yourself. If you're in discomfort with who you are, forcing yourself to become something else isn't exactly the best thing to do in my opinon. Not alone atleast. Aim for things that make you happy about who you are, if nothing makes you happy, maybe ask why. And when you come up with an answer, and it's solidifying that negative stance of why you cant be happy, perhaps look at why youre accepting that, and not seeing or opening yourself up to more positive parts of life.
    That's a bit bland but, im not sure what you mean soI thought id ramble like a twat for a moment. Basically. Change is good, anything that makes you truly feel happy and makes your life grow is good. But don't forget to appricate and respect who you are now. That person you want to be tomorrow might make you happy, but dont forget who you are today aswell. I think if there are things about yourself that annoy you, you should talk about them specifically, so you can help yourself understand what is going into those things, and give yourself an opportunity to look at it differently or change them.
    Direct internal switches don't really do your own core life justice, but I suppose they can work. I wouldn't recommend anyone abandon who they are though.
  3. Severijn

    Severijn Well-Known Member

    If you want to change, your starting point would be the library (or more specifically, online bookstores).

    It's this new-age modern kind of thing... to become who you want to become.

    I'm not happy with my life at the moment, but it's going alright. I have friends, work, hobbies, and enjoy life now and then/often even. But I used to have OCD, PTSD, social anxiety and depression, and I've cured most of them. So I can definitely say that, yes, it's possible to become a new person.

    Two self-growth/motivational speakers that might interest you are Tony Robbins and Brian Tracy. Their websites are here. I learned a lot from them.


    You could look for some of their materials online in bittorrent websites. Then if you like their products, you buy them. I don't think it's wrong to do this try before you buy approach. Many companies have these try before you buy policies. (An idea is: Then look for some of their programs or search for their names.)

    I definitely think changing yourself is possible, but it takes time, effort, and the right kind of knowledge. Without educating yourself about self-improvement it will be very hard to change. You need to learn from other people who changed themselves.

    I wish you the best and take care.
  4. MorganaNever

    MorganaNever Well-Known Member

    Actually I think our persona is much more fluid then we are led to believe. Look, who are you when there is no one else- this mass of thoughts and emotions and contradictions, ideas and doubts. Only looking from outside does it all take a definition, and it is a social thing. Did it ever happen to you that at certain places and environments you feel at your best and certain traits come easy to you, like lets say making jokes etc. Then the more you are perceived as such the more it comes out and its easy. At the same time you can have an environment where you are constantly at your worst and no matter how much you want to show a different side of yourself it never comes our right.

    What is the role you play most often suddenly becomes what you think is you, but you are infinitely more complex and with potential to be thousand different people.

    I had this idea for a story maybe, or just a theory, that if all humans were merely clones with same DNA they would still take different roles in the group and in life. One would become the funny one, other would take the role of a philosopher, one would practice cruelty, the other peace and so on. Partially we are pushed in something, partially its accident, combination of characters surrounding us.

    I think first thing is to forget the idea you are a defined person in the first place. Maybe you don't want to become someone else, maybe you want to be perceived as the persona that you feel can express your inner self better then the one you are playing now.

    Its a complex topic and I am very fascinated with the question of identity. It is very possible imo.

    ---------- Post added at 08:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:54 PM ----------

    Also, question- what do you hate about the person you are?
  5. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    SBlake - Thank you for your reply and you were not in any way rambling like a twat. I understand what you were saying and in some respects I agree with you. I don't want to - I'd like to believe that I can just leave this person behind and start over. Somehow I suspect it might need to be more of a "bit at time" affair though.

    Severijn - I have checked out the links. Thank you so much for taking the time to find them and for your support. I think you're right that just leaping in without a clue is a bad idea. The changes you have managed to make inspire me and givem me hope that I might be able to one day reflect and not loathe myself.

    MorganaNever - I think your theory re clones and becoming different people is valid. I suppose its like the nature vs nurture thing; we respond to our situation and the people around us. I am aware that I am a "different person" depending on the situation or the people I am with. I was a teacher and well capable of controlling a class of thirty unpleasant sixteen year olds but put me in a bar with half a dozen semi-strangers and I will go to pieces.
    You ask what it is that I hate about myself - aside from how I look which is sort of secondary in a way - I hate my inability to climb out of this pit of crap and put my life back together - I hate that I am weak and pathetic and the smallest thing can send me into a spiral which subsequently ends in me annoying everyone I care about. Basically I feel very much like I am failing at life and that being who I currently am means staying on the road to failure. Its not a very clear explanation I know but its all I have at the moment.
  6. bhawk

    bhawk Well-Known Member

    As said before in one of our many talks, its not that you need to "become" someone else, its more like you need to adopt the perspective of the desired self :cheekkiss
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