Can you decipher it? challenge

Nice day to you stranger! I have one question for you.

How can someone, who is scared of contact with people ask anyone for help? On every website or forum I see „ask people for help“ or „find a therapist“ but how can I do that, when I am scared of even calling my friends on phone? Sure, I was on therapy once. I found on the internet some psychotherapist and ask him for meeting, he wrote me back, really nice guy, so I came and had a nice chat. I was feeling good about myself, „I am doing something with myself" looking forward our next meeting. Day before meeting I've got a message he can't come, and postponed it to next month. You have no idea how betrayed I felt - for no reason, because i knew he has his own life. I wrote him that I want to cancel my sessions and deleted contact – for no reason. Why the f***did I do that?! Who knows. I have great family and they would help me if I ask them, but I can't talk about it.

In school i had my best friend with me so it was fine, because he had my back and I could rely on him. Then, he went on different high school so I was screwed - but fine, I survived it... . Somehow. And now in two years I droped from college – twice! And I am screwed again, this time more than ever. I could not go to classes with others, we had 30 people in our group. I mean – how can I work like this? Where? You cant avoid people in work, unless you are a lighthouse keeper. But our country does not even have a sea so… I know my „problems“ are nothing in comparison to some others on this forum, but our pain is the Biggest for us. It's funny, I still have all of my dreams written on a piece of paper, but I can't learn how to play piano myself, even buy a dog – how would i take care of him? I couldn't even call a breeder.

What should I do? Should I send an owl to Dumbledore and ask him about some magic or what? I held it in myself too long, scared of sharing it with anyone, but now my cup runneth over. I doubt this „confession“ will make any different, but writing to "someone" is better way to sort my thoughts than writing to myself.

Have a nice day!

 

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

I am sorry to hear you are struggling, and that you feel you can't ask for help.

One positive thing is that you already tried once, and it actually went well (even if you cancelled the next). It is actually very common for those things to happen, but you having had one positive experience is important!

Could you try to contact a therapist again? And while contacting them, tell them what happened last time and that you fear it might happen again? That will help them understand and work with you to stay in therapy.

Don't give up on yourself *hugs*

 

Sometimes they do that. I agree that if you see a therapist make it clear to them that you have those fears of being let down and cancelling appointments is not a casual thing for you. They may be able to help you address that issue

 

Just popped in to say I wish you well. I have a real distaste for phone calls, it may even be an actual phobia at this point. This sounds like a concern for you as well, and in particular you may have some form of a social phobia/ anxiety disorder. Have you done a lot of research about the ways in which being around people make you uncomfortable? Sometimes online tests/ quizzes shed some light on what we are experiencing. But be critical of which online quiz you may wish to take, "short and fun" ones are rarely accurate. It would probably help to find bona fide (endorsed by professionals) web site or organization to help you delve into your fears.

I'm really glad you reached out, here, and I think there's some good support for you here. There's even a chat room. No talking needed.