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Can you help me help a friend?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by poisonedresistance, Apr 14, 2012.

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  1. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    My friends partner has an exhusband who used to beat her and bully her.
    I am scared for my friend.
    She is keeping her relationship a secret from her ex as she is scared he will go mad if he finds out as he still has hopes of them reuniting.
    See everyone knows about them, even her 6 year old Autistic son.
    Im not being funny but her ex will find out,, too many people know...
    im scared she will go to meet him one day (she takes their son to see him-he is his dad) and he wil know, he will have found out,,
    see my ex ,, he used to wait till we were alone before doing or saying anything, he was crafty like that, would hold it in and be really nice and you would never know what was brewing in his head,,, it was so,,, terrifying sometimes.
    How can I talk to her, i dont really know her,,, i only know XXXX, have done for years,,, its so important to me he is happy and he believes he can be happy with her.
    I have tried to talk to himbut he trusts her judgement as he should do, but human nature can be,, irrational.
    ive tried to explain this, using the example from my ex, but he still refuses to broach the subject with her as he has tried in the past and she gets scared and defensive, causing arguments and hurt feelings. XXXX has felt she has had an affair and that shes jsut waiting to get back with him and all sorts of thigns as he feels there are secrets and lies involved, but i understand her fear,,, i just want to explain that its better if they handled it together,, so she has support and ....witnesses, with long term after care till he chills over it.
    what do i do?
  2. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    i understand her fears, she is an ex drug (heroine)addict aswell, there is a reason people see boarded up houses and say 'druggies' live there she has resorted to staying in the house, this results in her son staying in as she doesnt let him play out.
    she has done so well getting clean and starting her life over and free of that man, he gave her drugs, beat her, raped her, sold her,,,,,,,, you can imagine it wasnt nice, i understand her paranoia of the world, i really do,, but she is missing so much and so is he.
    He is six,,, she is so scared of the world she sheilds him from it using his special needs as an excuse..
    how can i help her realise or get strong enough to take him out?
    got to kick them out the door and make them learn social skills,, for them, it will be their best asset, from work to dealing with people on a relationship level
    he may not academic, but richard branson isnt,, he is however very people skilled.
    she wont let him go out and play in a quiet cul de sac as she doesnt want to be involved in the neighbourhood, but these kids will be at the same schol, he will be picked on and turned into a socail outcast, with possibly with a lot of anger and fear,,,,could end up hurting someone,, then they would lock him away.....
    hes a lovely little boy too x hed make friends quickly and be fine,, learn the skills he needs to, to have a full happy, productive life.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2012
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