Can you love someone if you don't love yourself?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Gergin, Feb 7, 2016.

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  1. Gergin

    Gergin Well-Known Member

    I recently broke up with my partner and this question was a constant argument in our relationship on both ends.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes you can love someone without loving yourself but i would hope that love for the someone you care abt would push you to healing yourself within
     
    sahel likes this.
  3. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Yes, I believe you can love someone if you don't love yourself. But I think it can be hard for someone to love you, if you don't love yourself.
     
    NYJmpMaster and Aether like this.
  4. Gergin

    Gergin Well-Known Member

    Wouldn't it make you unhappy to love someone who can't love them self?
     
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Exactly.

    It is still easy in my opinion to love others, but you (generalities you- not you specifically) make the act of loving you by the other person nearly impossible and filled with pain until eventually the Beatles refrain of "all we need is love" is proven wrong more often than not (based purely on opinion and observation). At that point it usually takes on the tone of I love people but then they all leave me in the end- even though it was us that pushed them away at every possible turn.

    Put is very simple - If every time somebody says something , you disagree - "What a pretty flower" gets "I like daises better, that kind of flower stinks" /// "Rainy days are nice to lie around and snuggle" gets "I think rain is depressing" /// "Dinner was really good " gets "I thought the chicken was dry" /// "I like the color green" gets "That is the worst color..." clearly the silly examples of somebody saying something and being told they are wrong,maybe it is disagreement, but it boils down to being told they are wrong. At the very best case this would become irritating for anybody very quickly.


    Now go from these very silly irrelevant things to something important like "You are so handsome" gets "I am too fat and my eyes are squinty" /// "You are the most important person in the world to me" gets "I am nobody and my life is useless " /// "I love you so much" gets "you are just saying that because you have to" etc etc ... Not only is it just as irritating and argumentative , but you are also telling them they are wrong about all of it. Since this person loves you and thinks your opinions have value, they are inclined to believe you after a while... and at some point they simply say no matter how hard I try I never make him/her feel loved- clearly whatever this is , it is not love or not the kind of love that brings happiness because saying those things are supposed to make people happy, supposed to make them smile and feel good-. People that hate themselves or even just don't like themselves, usually cant feel that way. Those are not just compliments , but factual statements to the person saying them. And being told they are wrong and failing to make the person they love happy, which is ultimately the only thing you really want for somebody you love, to make them happy- makes people give up eventually because the one thing they want- to make the person they love happy- turns into an impossible task.

    And then we say "They always leave me - I love them so much and they left" and we remember all the times we told them that , and do not realize what drove them away was all the times that said they love us too just to be told they were wrong or didn't mean it, and demonstrate everyday that nothing they can say or do will ever make us happy.....
     
    Freya likes this.
  6. Chalcie

    Chalcie Member

    I ask the same question...

    I even told my boyfriend I don't love myself.. He said it's okay.. We are all flawed...
     
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