ive been trying so hard to gloss over my feelings so no one would kno how bad i have been feeling lately but i cannot handle it tonite....i have been forcing myself to be happy but tonite i cannot even force a half smile it takes too much effort and energy...both of which i have run out of....i never knew how much pain would come from grief but i kno its not all about mom anymore...something else has taken me over....idk what it is but i cannot end the pain w/o ending my life and idk if i really want to do that or not....i just want to kill the burning sensation in my heart and in my soul....i cant live w. the pain....i cannot deal w. the medical issues resulting from the pain.....i just cant do it anymore