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Cannot stand this hell i feel

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by whybother?, Jul 26, 2012.

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  1. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    I have 40 pills infront of me, ive done research on them and it wud only take 10 to kill me . . . the temptation just to neck em all has been on my mind since i woke up :(

    Ive had professional help about this in the past but no success, same with meds . . .


    the only thing holding me back is the fact people care about me i dont want to upset them, i couldnt care if my death was painful i just want this shit over with :mad: maybe if i just piss off every1 who cares about me then they wont care if im dead

    Every day is a struggle

    :(
     
    whybother?, Jul 26, 2012
    #1
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya...What's been happening to make you start looking at those today? What is the "shit" you want to stop? Here if you want to talk.

    About meds and professional help. For both, it can take some time to find the one that works. There are combinations of meds that sometimes work better than one on its own. This is something you could work on with a pdoc or your family doctor. I hope you might consider doing that.

    In the meantime, we are here and are happy to listen. So if something specific now or in the past has triggered you, I hope you can talk to us if sharing would help. Feel free to PM me any time if you want to talk privately.

    PS: Please put the pills away or toss them in the toilet. :hug:
     
    Acy, Jul 26, 2012
    #2
  3. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    i just dont want to feel like this anymore, i self harm to make it stop but even thats not enough :(

    And its so frustrating but i dont know why i feel like this..im just depressed and suicidal for no reason . . .

    the last time i went to a doctor about suicidal thoughts and self harm all she said was to make sure if i do self harm to make sure its safely done (what sort of advice is that??) and gave me the number for the samaritans. After i tried to kill myself the 2nd time i was put on a antidepressant which for sum reason made me MORE suicidal?!? i told the doctor this and put me on sumthing different but still to no effect..so ive lost all confidence with doctors and medication. This time round i dont want help i just want to kill myself so i dont have to suffer through another day of feeling empty,lonely and always wanting to cry

    ive taken 5 pills so far..just feeling dizzy...dont wanna stop :(
     
    whybother?, Jul 26, 2012
    #3
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Sometimes there is no "reason" for being depressed; our brain chemistry is off. But if you have tried only two meds, I can say that there are many other ones that could be tried.

    As for the doc telling you to "self hard safely" - that's advice for in between when you first start therapy and when you are finished with therapy. In my own experience, the urges to SHi don't stop immediately and neither does the behavior. It takes some time to get to the root of things and to develop new coping strategies. In the meantime, the docs suggest that we do things safely.

    Please don't take anymore pills. Call the emergency services in your area.
     
    Acy, Jul 26, 2012
    #4
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