I never really post in the regular forums here anymore. But I honestly do not know where else to turn. Have had all sorts of things coming up. Biggest trigger stuff. Then i get an email from my fairly abusive brother asking if I know when our elderly mother will have surgery. I wrote back that I did not know anything about it. I called my aunt who said yes, she is having inguinal hernea surgery. She did not want to tell me because she did not want to hear my response. And my aunt kept defending my mother by basically saying I am mentally ill. So of course she has the right to leave you out of knowing. As much as i tried to explain that I do have a right to know, she kept insisting I did not. Because of how my mother was afraid i would respond with too much concern or cry. first of all, I would not cry. And yes I would be concerned. But essentially mentally ill people should not expect to be treated with common respect and dignity. My aunt kept trying to get me to understand that my mother was just doing what she needed to do considering who I am. They feel totally justified. I cannot take it anymore. I was barely hanging on before this. I think I have the right to leave. I am tired. I am sore. And I cannot be treated like a sick person anymore. I am too tired. I need to die. I just need to die. I am agoraphobic. So there is no one to call. I no longer know people. I get help once a month. But because i was not told until my brother made the mistake of asking me, I did not get to talk to her last week. And no, I cnannot call her. I feel so ashamed and angry. My mother is planning to come to visit me this weekend. I do not want to see her. But if she dies in surgery next month ( she is very old) I will have turned her away before she dies. Please do not answer with words pertaining to possibly losing her. Because it is too much of a trigger. Thank you.