Can't afford to live

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sunkitten, Jun 8, 2015.

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  1. sunkitten

    sunkitten New Member

    I've lost all hope.

    I'm 55, visibly disabled and suffer severe chronic pain and fibromyalgia every day, and receive a small annuity that only covers rent and student loan repayments. My money is running out rapidly, and soon I won't be able to afford anything else -- my pain medications, food, laundry, electricity, medication for my hyperthyroid cat, internet, phone. I have no family, and the last family member to pass away (six years ago) was my well-off, highly abusive father.

    My doctor referred me to a social worker affiliated with his practice, one who has knowledge of local resources, and she finally called me today. It was as bad as I expected. She told me there are very few resources for people in my situation, other than putting my name on the waiting list for subsidized housing (the waiting list is five years) and talking to someone at my city's disability centre to see if they have any suggestions.

    Who is going to hire a visibly disabled woman my age when they can get a healthy young person to do the job? I've been applying for the jobs I can do, but am not getting any interviews at all.

    Backstory: My father was mentally ill with narcissistic personality disorder, and hated me right from the time I was born until he died. My mom died 23 years ago, and after that my father developed health problems and demanded I stay home to look after his house -- cooking, cleaning, etc. -- and gave me a tiny allowance for doing so. I was abused by him right up until I moved out after receiving a bequest from my mom's half-brother, and I was in university when my father told me his doctor had forbade him to live alone any longer and the house we co-owned would have to be sold. I felt sorry for him, and thinking he'd changed, offered to let him live with me until alternative arrangements could be found. He moved in and immediately was extremely abusive again, assaulting me several times, after I'd had to give up my studies to look after him. When he broke his hip in a fall outside my apartment, he went to a nursing home and blamed me for that. As soon as he was ensconced in the NH, his brother's stepdaughter decided after 30+ years of little contact to start visiting him with her husband and digging for his financial information. She persuaded him to sign over his retirement funds (which he'd promised I would inherit, along with his other money, since I was "all he had") and also persuaded him to make her his financial POA because she had some accounting training.

    I didn't learn of the retirement fund until my father died, and the woman kept his financial documents for four years until the will was finished probate, refusing repeatedly to hand them over to me as I was the executor of his will, made several years before his terminal illness. My probate lawyer told me that because the money she received was tax-free for her, the taxes on it per law must be paid by the estate. Everything my father had in the bank plus the proceeds from the sale of some land he owned will go to the government in taxes, leaving me with nothing. My father couldn't even be bothered to bury my mother or brother's ashes, and of course I cannot either with my nonexistent resources.

    My uncle's stepdaughter and her husband own their own home, business, several vehicles, and both are healthy with good jobs. They wanted my father's money so they could take their children and grandchildren on exotic, expensive resort vacations every year. Both she and my father were well aware I'd looked after my father for years, knew I am disabled and cannot work at most jobs, and am alone with no family to help.

    I can't even afford to live, let alone take this woman to court over her "long-lost relative" arrival into my father's life and the damage she did.

    And there are no resources out there whatsoever to help me.

    I don't know what else to do but to end it ... the only positive in this situation is that there is no one who will be hurt by my loss.
  2. amanda2015

    amanda2015 Member

    I am so sorry... I am in a similar desperate situation. My mother has NPD too. I'm so tired of it all.
  3. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    I understand how you feel. I am 63. Got laid off at age 62. Somehow I did find a job, but wages are horrid. Don't know what I will do when the money runs out. Am heading to the doctor on Thursday to start checking out causes of abdominal pain. Had to wait for months for employers insurance to kick in. It is a brutal world when those who are ill or old are left out in the cold. Unless, of course, they have money.

    Do you live in the U.S.? Social Security does offer disability pay. It isn't much, but is better then nothing.
  4. sunkitten

    sunkitten New Member

    Thanks amanda2015 and SillyOldBear for your replies.

    I'm in Canada. There is disability here, too, but it doesn't pay enough to live on -- I've also been told I wouldn't qualify for it based on the annuity I receive. The amount for disability and for my annuity are roughly the same $, but I am spending almost half of it just for pain medication and to repay the student loan (for the university education I gave up to be a caregiver for my father). There isn't enough left after that even to rent a room, or pay for food/transportation, etc.

    I'll have to go through with my plan soon. I regret so much that I didn't leave home right after high school and establish a home of my own, a husband, children. The years I wasted trying to wring love from a stone.
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, sunkitten. I'm sorry you're facing these issues. Have you looked into government sponsored drug benefits plans? I just googled drug benefits in Canada (link) - and there seems to be a plan in most provinces. They probably vary a bit from province to province, and I assume they're usually available for people without other private medical insurance. I expect there's an annual deductible and it would be based on the person's total annual income. A plan might not cover every drug, but at least that kind of plan cuts down the overall expenses a bit.

    There might also be some kind of legal aid program that you could apply to in order to help with your legal issues. Here is a link to a general information page about Legal Aid in Canada. Your own province will have its own rules for who is eligible. This might really be worthwhile to look into.

    It sounds like you are facing many challenges and are understandably feeling stressed and pressured. It is unfair and a hassle that things have come to this for you. I hope you can take a deep breath and consider looking into some other options - with possible options to explore/possible ways to make things better, I don't think it's time to give up, even if it's a hassle to get what is rightfully and fairly yours.

    Keep us posted. :)

    PS: I'm glad you have a cat for company. :) Someone soft and warm to love is good! :sleeping_tiger:
  6. imars27

    imars27 Member

    i agree with ACY.Try those program. i will pray for u.
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