Can't be bothered anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ace, Aug 23, 2009.

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  1. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'm not going to go into the real feeling's I'm having due to respect,but let me just put it I'm so tired of life I really am.I'm sick of everything so much I wan't to escape from everything,I've failed at this thing called life can't even be bothered typing alos just dead really:sad:.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    What's going on? You can drop me a PM if you'd rather not talk about whatever it is out here. But I hope you're okay.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Ace tired of everything i get you but this is the dam depression rearing its head again. Have you talked to your therapist or doctor about maybe changing things up a bit. Hang in there okay emotions they will pass just hold on until next second wind comes okay. We are here for you talk away and know you have support here Go to bed for awhile rest thats what i am going to do and hopefully when get up we will have more energy. take care.
     
  4. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thank's very much Ally and violet for your reply's greatly appreciated so much you don't know how much it mean's to me.I have spoken to my Dr about thing's in length,he feel's maybe I'm trying to do too much.Everything seem's to bother me,my conditions are all so crazy,the mood swing's are killing me and my med's have just been upped.I want to start on Lamictal a mood stabilizer but my sleep is so everywhere I wonder how this med could work effectively because it surely wouldn't be able too.

    I'm tired of being the way i am but trying to change and it's so damn hard,bloody ocd as well.I feel like such a deadbeat failure and ugly loser.I should be dead,all too often i have those thought's but I'm not going in to any real detail's as I said about respect.
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're not a loser or a failure. You're really trying, and that's worth a lot. Your life is worth fighting for.
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Just hang in there okay give your doc a chance to get meds regulated. I know im all over the place tonight but just got to hold it together right keep up the good fight your doing great. You are certainly not a loser your a fighter and you will get better just hang in there.
     
  7. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thanx alot again Ally and Violet trying to do thing's and not get worked up,a bit all over the place with these mood swings and everything else.
     
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I think the Lamictal also can help you sleep ace, so maybe it won't be as difficult for it to work for you as you think. I am glad you are continuing to look for options to help you feel better. Mood swings are the pits to deal with. You are doing though. :hug:
     
  9. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thankyou again GL for your kind and word's of wisdom and support,about the Lamictal I'm not afraid to take it.Anything to stable my mood's is so more than welcoming,it's that my sleep and other habits as in Caffeine intake are quite bad and over the place,which I think would hamper the affect's of taking the Lamictal.In any event I'm thinking it may be worth trying properly anyway,I think in the past the Valpro(epilum)and Lithium didn't have their full effect on me because of my lifestyle,although my Dr agree's but see's it also as me blaming myself also.I took the Valpro and Lithium for a long time at various different stages through my life,and at high enough doses but never felt any improvement.

    I'd be at work one minute high as a kite then low as hell and wanting to die,it made me so uncomfortable also because I felt people don't know how to take me and I'd feel so weird also.I felt the med's weren't probably making much a difference with the moods,but I seemed to think bad sleeping habits and my addiction with caffeine were surely the bigger factor in making the med's not working properly.
     
  10. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Can you cut back on your caffeine consumption? I know I try not to have any caffeine after 6 at night, and I love my diet coke :p High caffeine consumption can cause moodiness too. When coming off the caffeine high, you can crash. I know that only you can say if your meds are making you feel better, but sometimes others can see what we cannot. You might have to illicit the observations of others and trust what they see. i am proud of you for your courage in hanging in there despite how miserable you have felt. :hug:
     
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Ace, Try the lamitcal.. I am on it and it has helped my mood swings.. I found out the hard way that it was working when I came up short on cash one month so I couldn't get my refill.. I was off it for a few days and I became a moody SOB..You might tell your doctor the lithium isn't working.. I was on that before and it didn't help at all..Another med you might ask your doctor about is geodon.. It helps with irrational thinking..Let him decide the best course for you!! Take care!!
     
  12. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thank's dearly for your reply's again GL&Stranger,I'm feeling rather low and flat right now alot of thing's I think getting to me.My mood's are fluctuating so much,I'm not on any mood stabilizer's right now.My Dr said the best Mood stabilizer's are still Valpro&Lithium,but I don't want to take them anymore.I have to cut down my caffeine consumption GL,I know it's hard but I have to do it I drink far too much.And in this it's why I refuse to put much blame on to the med's,instead thinking it's me with the struggle with Caffeine and my sleeping pattern's.

    I'm feeling quite low alot,then i feel quite high I think the edronax give's the high I'm qute sure.But there's still a huge amount of low's coming in,and it's very concerning and draining.I don't know what to do really,I'm trying to decide thing's slowly.I just feel so mixed and messed up really,I want these mood's to slow down and stabilize so much,but I know I'm not doing so much to make them better and I feel so guilty about that.I'm struggling alot perhap's it hasn't been as much as before but still get's quite severe,I'm so intimidated by people their look's and my Bdd makes this so much worse,and most people I know have good jobs earning very good money and are qualified at something.I feel quite low,not working and struggling to get back to work and everything else.I know I shouldn't let people get to me,but I find it hard that it doesn't.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 25, 2009
  13. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well you know you have many friends here. We'll be there through the highs and lows hun. Dont give up because we arent about to give up on you. Keep plucking away at those meds. The doc is bound to find the right combo soon. I know through experience, it is so draining to keep battling the swings. Keep fighting ace, we've got you covered and we'll help you up when the blows knock ya down!! x's & o's
     
  14. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thank's very much carla that really mean's alot,I was not too bad before but just received a phone call about my place of employment.It appear's I may not have a job there anymore which really hurt me,the call was from Centreling the same as like Social security here.The call has made me feel so low,and everything has just made it all more worthwhile to give up so much.I feel so empty I really do,I've tried to return in the past only to breakdown and was pinning my hope's on one day hopefully being able to return to my old job.

    I know this sound's silly but today is my mum's 60th birthday and I'm trying to hide thing's,and sat is the party and I've thought to end it after that.I just feel like all this pressure is far too much,why am I bothering for really.I've struggled to move out of home financially really,and I hate my dad so much I know it's a strong word.But all I feel so much is sadness a bit of respite then bang again,proves what a failure I've been at life it's so evident.I know I'm sounding so negative and everything,but I really feel it's not worth it no more officially just pack it in can't take it anymore just can't.
     
  15. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Just called my work again didn't find the store Manager and will ring back monday and was fine with that.I rang the woman from Centreling(Social Security)to update her and din't want to but I did.She said to me she can wait til Monday and that a woman named Beth told her I don't have a job to go back to it really hurt me and killed me off.Why did I call her and worsen my mood?Why didn't I at least wait til monday?I know this person would've been told by either the old Store Manager&or the new one to tell me that I don't have a job anymore.I feel so rotten now as hell,the sadness kicked in so quick I'm so hopeless.I bet they've looked at my history and said he's had that much time off and missed work due to his illness etc,it's best they rid themselve's of me.Now I'm sad as hell I'm going to end it all I don't care anymore,mum's 60th is tomorrow if I hang on or it would be after that I'm tired of this I really am it's not worth it:sad::sad::sad:.
     
  16. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are worth so much it is just you are not well. When you are stronger and the meds are working and your moods finally stable you will get another job.
    Please don't give up the fight get yourself well first then worry about getting a different job. Your health is the most impt thing right now Stay strong we will help you please just keep fighting on getting well.
     
  17. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thank's very much Violet it is so painful and exhausting,it's a real battle I'm just tired of it all really.Thank's for the kind and touching word's of support,and from everyone else on here you don't know how much it mean's.
     
  18. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi ace,I can really relate to what you've wrote.

    It definitely is painful and exhausting, but with a good support system it will be a lot easier.
    I hope you're feeling better today..try and enjoy yourself at the party..good luck x
     
  19. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thank's but I was trying my best to feel my best at my mum's birthday until people fuckin stuck their nose's in my business,I've decided I'm ending it goodbye life it's fuckin over and I'm glad as over fuck it all:mad:.
     
  20. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yeh dam noisey bodies. tell them to you know what and just enjoy being with your mom for now. Its her day make it special for her okay get plenty of hugs while your there and forget anybody else. We are still here Ace please stay strong get angry tell them all to get lost and just enjoy being with ma okay.. sending you support and if that don't work call crisis okay we need ya here.:grouphug:
     
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