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Can't be supportive now, but need support

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Danialla, Oct 21, 2013.

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  1. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry but I can't bring myself to talk someone out of suicide when I feel so strongly about wanting to take my own life. But I need support too. I know selfish of me for sure!!

    Nothing is wrong but I can't quit wanting to take my own life. I have everything to live for, great family, beautiful grandchildren a job I love, but I hate life and I hate me for feeling this way. I am going through ECT and don't feel any different, in fact I probably feel worse because I but so much hope into it and I have had 7 and it is not working. I am secretly trying to take my life now and trying to make it look like an accident. I know I need help but I don't know where to turn. I wish I would just die already. Well thanks for listening.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Danialla I hope you can talk openly to your team then and let them know the thoughts have not decreased any perhaps doc can try some new meds out there for hard to treat depression ECT don't give up on it yet ok Keep talking to us it helps to know you are being heard
  3. TeddyZ

    TeddyZ Member

    you say you have everything to live for including your great family and you love your job. take it from someone like me who truly feels they have nothing to live for you should feel lucky you feel like you have things to live for. i hate my job i only go so i can support my addictions and as far as family goes the most contact we have is a casual hi and bye.
  4. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    If you don't have the desire to live, then all the happiness or perceived happiness in the world cannot give you the will to live. I wish I had nobody, then I could kill myself quick and easy without going through all the guilt. Trust me when I say, having things to live for is pure hell.
  5. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    Yes, no matter what the source of your depression is, no matter how good your life, the feeling is the same. People might see you have a good life, but they don't know how hurt you are unless you know them emotionally. Having a good life doesn't mean we're happy with our life. Some people have depression even if they're successful and loved. Sometimes depression is hard to understand, hard to find the source. I understand how you feel Danialla,I too, can't kill myself for that very reason. Because I have too many people who will grief. I don't want to put them through that :(

    And you are not selfish Danialla, you're just in too much pain to cope and help anyone. You need to take care of yourself, don't be too hard on yourself. I hope you're feeling better. Know that we are here for you.

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