One night I had a dream... I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and Across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of my life flashed before us, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that many times along the path of my life, There was only one set of footprints. I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, You would walk with me all the way; But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, There is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why in times when I needed you the most, you should leave me. The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child. I love you, and I would never, never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you." I carried a lot of people for a long time, all their problems and worries. Their pain...i just took it all onto myself and I didnt care how it affected me; but these last few weeks I have been struggling to stay alive. Ive tried more than once to end my life and ive done more physical damage to myself in the past 2 weeks than I have ever done in my life. im not coping, im not fuctioning, im not surviving...im just here. Dead numb and in more pain than i know what to do with. its affected everything, my personality, my job, the horses. So i guess what im trying to say is I need to carry myself for awhile, i cant help people, i cant take away their pain and even tho that destroys me inside cuz i know im letting a lot of people down. I cant sacrifice myself for anyone anymore. Ive ignored the pain too long...im sorry if this offends someone but i need to take care of me.