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cant be there anymore

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by forever_scarred, Jan 17, 2013.

  1. forever_scarred

    forever_scarred Well-Known Member

    One night I had a dream...
    I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and
    Across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
    For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand;
    One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord.
    When the last scene of my life flashed before us,
    I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
    I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
    There was only one set of footprints.
    I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life
    This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it.
    "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
    You would walk with me all the way;
    But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,
    There is only one set of footprints.
    I don't understand why in times when I
    needed you the most, you should leave me.
    The Lord replied, "My precious, precious
    child. I love you, and I would never,
    never leave you during your times of
    trial and suffering.
    When you saw only one set of footprints,
    It was then that I carried you."

    I carried a lot of people for a long time, all their problems and worries. Their pain...i just took it all onto myself and I didnt care how it affected me; but these last few weeks I have been struggling to stay alive. Ive tried more than once to end my life and ive done more physical damage to myself in the past 2 weeks than I have ever done in my life. im not coping, im not fuctioning, im not surviving...im just here. Dead numb and in more pain than i know what to do with. its affected everything, my personality, my job, the horses. So i guess what im trying to say is I need to carry myself for awhile, i cant help people, i cant take away their pain and even tho that destroys me inside cuz i know im letting a lot of people down. I cant sacrifice myself for anyone anymore. Ive ignored the pain too long...im sorry if this offends someone but i need to take care of me.
  2. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    :hug: take time for you..
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun you are so right YOU need to look after YOU now ok no more sacrifices yourself for anyone hun please hun take care of you hugs
  4. Ladybugaboo

    Ladybugaboo Well-Known Member

    I wrote something similar here so I totally understand. Your wellbeing is most important. :console: I sincerely hope you'll be ok.
    And the first time I read that poem last year, it had me in tears (even now). Be well Angel. :)