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Can't believe I'm here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ace1972, Feb 15, 2010.

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  1. ace1972

    ace1972 Member

    In the last couple of weeks, I have had a XXX several times and had it pressed into my flesh several times as well.

    I feel my life is out of control and the only way I feel I have any control is to do these sorts of things. I know its wrong, and I hate feeling this way. I am trying to get help but the counsellor does not seem to help me. I want to scream some days!!!

    I have money trouble in that I will have no job come summer, and I have many debts gone to collections. I fear I will lose my girlfriend. I am now living at home. I also fear I will do something to myself. I have a 9 year old daughter and leaving her alone with her crazy mother (we split long ago) is the only reason I am alive. I hear that sucide messes a kid up.

    I hate feeling this way and want to do something-any advice?
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 16, 2010
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you are feeling so bad.....
    Have you spoken to a doctor about how you're feeling?....maybe a change of councilor if this one isnt helping...or a referral to a psychologist ...
    Are you taking any meds? maybe they need to be changed?
    sounds like you are concerned for your daughters welfare and that is a good enough reason to get help...
    my Uncle commited suicide and not long after his daughter followed the same way...
    please keep talking on here....
    we are here for you...
  3. ace1972

    ace1972 Member

    I have not spoken to a doctor, but my consellor sees my coping and sometimes I feel she does not feel that I am not that serious or something, I dunno. I am not taking nay meds-hate to thnk I had to live on meds? is that worse than ending your life?

    I wonder what my daughter would think if I checked out of life...
  4. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we are here to help
  5. Shattered Soldier

    Shattered Soldier Well-Known Member

    I tend to think of medications as a faucet for the the emotions. Just as you can use a faucet to control the amount of water coming out of the tap, sometimes medications can turn this endless outpouring of negativity into a slow trickle. They can make the problems come out single file so that they'll be easier to manage and destroy. Its only up to you if you want to be on them for the rest of your life. I've found that they can make life a little easier to manage, and quite easier to talk about. Maybe by getting on a low dose of something will make your therapy sessions a little more productive. And low doses are much easier to come off of once the crisis has passed.
  6. ace1972

    ace1972 Member

    I appreciate what you are saying SS. I may look into that. My daughter brings me joy and I want to be there for her. I would hate for her to think bad of herself for some stupid shit her father did to himself. I will endure anything for her. Meds and all. Sometimes tho as I do not see my daughter alot, I think that she would be better off without me. Screwed up as I am.
  7. Joh0525

    Joh0525 New Member

    I am on medication and I feel like it is helping me alot. Its not perfect, and I do have suicidal thoughts from time-to-time. But what helps me not to act on those feelings is thinking of what it would do to all the people who love me and want me around. My depression/suicide feelings have really hurt my life, but at heart I realise that they are just that: feelings. I do not have to act on them, and they do pass eventually. Just try to rest as much as you can, and not focus on your stress so much (I know, easier said than done). Suicide might end the pain for you, but it will cause your loved ones a lot of hurt that you don't want them to go through.

    Just remember that they love you, and God loves you too and doesn't want to see you too early, if you know what I mean. If medicine helps you, like it does me, it doesn't mean that you are a weak person, it means you are trying to do what you need to do to get past this and get better. Just take it slowly. Don't try to rush your treatments or your life. I hope that this helps you.
  8. Joh0525

    Joh0525 New Member

    Several years ago I lost a friend to suicide, and my thought at the time was she probably regretted it as she bled out. Could you imagine, in the amount of time before you're gone, thinking what a mistake that you made but now you could not change it and take it back?
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