Can't carry on anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jimmy828, Feb 18, 2013.

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  1. Jimmy828

    Jimmy828 Member

    I had a horrible childhood and it started haunting me, as it ate away at me I started falling into a depression, starting at age 30, I'm currently 33, 2 years ago almost to the day my mother died, Feb 23rd, it caused an even deeper emotional wound that I hid from my friends and family, my g/f of 17 years felt like I didn't love her and neglected her so she started having an affair 6 months ago, a few days ago she told me she's leaving me for this other man and I just can't take it anymore, I've absolutely had it with the sadness I've endured and don't have it in me to fight anymore, this sat the 23rd I'm taking my life, I've written my letters and almost have my affairs in order, I just don't see a reason to carry on
  2. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Suicide is not the only option. For many who do think about it, and who suffer any form of depression, most if not all will at least try to seek professional help. 3 years is a long time to suffer, and maybe that you've kept it private from her was the catalyst as to why she felt neglected and sought reassurances elsewhere. I'm not condoning the affair, I'm just trying to understand the reasons it may have come about.

    Losing a family member is never nice. If you have any kids, or siblings, who know that you mum died then, would that not affect them even more if they lost you too? Particularly on that date.

    Suicide is an easy way out. There is no other way to describe it. Grief affects people in many ways, but for the situation you've described, it's a cop out attitude. Rather than remember the good memories you had with your mum, and find a way to live on with her in your heart, you'd rather allow grief to consume you to the point of acting irrationally.

    I'm not telling you what to do. I just think you need urgent professional help. This is a pro-life peer to peer support site where people experience and share various issues, but if needed, are encouraged to seek the external support because we are not professional therapists. We are people with our own challenges.
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Hi Jimmy - welcome to SF

    I am so sorry to hear that you are so sad and that you have suffered so much grief. I know how it feels to be so overwhelmed with negative emotion that it seems ending your life is the only way to move forward. It isn't.

    You do not say whether or not you have seen a doctor - but I urge you to do so, to get some therapy and some grief counselling - to get some medication to help while you learn strategies for moving forward. Things can get better - things do get better. I am sorry that you have hit the bottom but the only way now is up, not out.

    Please seek medical help, and in the meantime keep posting here and seeking support.

    Take care :hug:
  4. Jimmy828

    Jimmy828 Member

    I just can't see any happy to come of this, after 17 years she's all I've known, all I've wanted and all I've cared about, besides my mom, she died, wife's leaving me and I have no family left, so in the end all I have is sorrow and a constant reminder of the loves I had and lost, I mean really, go fresh in the world, alone and try to build a new life, doesn't seem viable to me
  5. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    You're so wrapped up in the grief that you aren't seeing everything clearly. Giving up on life because it presents a challenge, is what you are suggesting. My parents split after 19 married years back in 1997. My dad was 40/mum 37. Now 16 years on, both are still alive, my dad has remarried, and after being life and soul of many a gathering, he went into his own bout of depression/agoraphobia in 2009. Life throws up challenges everywhere and at any time. No-one can be certain that there is nothing that is good left out there. No-one can be certain that things will change or be better or worse because no-one knows the future. You just seem intent on making an excuse to give up. That's the impression I'm getting.

    I'm not perfect. I don't claim to know everything nor do I claim to be right on everything. But at least consider trying. You might not see the light straight away, but there is no certainty that the future will be the same as it is now.
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Jimmy and thank you for finding SF and I do hope and pray you will stay and allow the people here to help you through this terrible time. I have a son of 33, and I feel for your pain as if he was you, because he very well could have been if my attempt at exiting had been successful.

    Life sucks big time, and even all the time, so it seems in our blackest times. But people write here because they've found strategies that work for them to help them through. I really would encourage you to seek help from a psychotherapist if at all possible.

    Meanwhile, we are here to support you and give you all the help and encouragement we can. There IS a point to carrying on, although you cannot see it right this moment - I promise you there is :)
  7. Jimmy828

    Jimmy828 Member

    I can't afford help, I can't afford medication, probably a big part of my depression
  8. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    OK, it isn't essential then..... what is essential though is to keep talking through the problem and issues and grab hold of the life-savers you think are helpful..... would you like to chat for a while, I see you are still online?
  9. Jimmy828

    Jimmy828 Member

    How do we chat
  10. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    OK - I haven't done this much, so bear with me while I try to give you directions

    At the top right of the screen, under Life.Space, you find the tag Chatroom - click on that and the dialogue box that comes up and I'll meet you in the Entrance Lobby - let's hope it works, otherwise we can carry on here or by PM (Personal Message) :)
  11. Jimmy828

    Jimmy828 Member

    I'm on a cell I can't see chat, want to email?
  12. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Any joy Jimmy - ??

    Just been told I cannot stay in the Entrance Lobby, so in the Chat menu over to the right on screen, click on Spare Room and we can talk there
  13. Jimmy828

    Jimmy828 Member

    Maybe email is better I can't see any rooms
  14. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    OK email me.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 19, 2013
  15. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Whether on a cell or pc you can access the chat from keying the following link into your internet browser (I use my iPhone, so that means using safari.)

    It enables you to select a room for chatting in. Entrance lobby is ill advised for cell users to deliberately choose as to change rooms you'd have to come back out or rely on finding out if there's a moderator or chat monitor around who can move you.

    Staff room is one that you as a new member will not need to use, it's password protected as well.

    As for the other 3 options, main chat and spare room are for more social chatting, triggering subjects is for more highly sensitive topics (self harm is an example best suited to TS as it could trigger a fair few members because of its commonplace nature across forum members).

    It also allows you to interact with other people instead of the waiting for email/private message/replies to your posts.

    Hope this helps.
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