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Can't carry on

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MaNg0s, Apr 8, 2008.

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  1. MaNg0s

    MaNg0s Well-Known Member

    Well I have been depressed for 5 years now I am currently 18. I recently broke up with my gf of 6 years in the beginning of October. That pushed me over the edge I tried commiting suicide 2 times that week. But now I feel these feelings again. I am soo lonely and all I do now is sleep and eat and just sit around. I am on a 2 week break from college atm and all my friends have gone on holiday.

    My mum has an operation tomorrow so I will not do anything till next week till she has recovered from the operation. <mod edit: resistance - methods>

    I feel soo lost I was getting better but then I started feeling all those familiar feelings the people here know what im talking about the constant hole in the stomach feeling and just feeling soo weak all the time. I have seen a therapist before he did not do much help and I am currently on medication but it does not seem to be doing anything but helping my anxiety problems but my depression is still really severe. I can't take this anymore. Sorry I just needed to vent.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 8, 2008
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Hey there and welcome to the site.

    Firstly I'd like to point out that this is a pro-life forum, which means discussing methods isn't allowed.
    Instead, why not try and come to ideas and solutions as to how to get your life back into an upward spiral again? :smile: You posting is already a start. You're reaching out for help and maybe some people here can give you advice which you can use and which can be helpful.

    As to my reply to your post:
    I'd like to say that I'm sorry that you feel so low, and that all your friends are on holidays :sad: You say you won't do anything until next week because your mum will have an operation (I hope she'll have a speedy recovery btw :hug: ), but I'm wondering; isn't there anything you take pleasure in which you could do? Or places you could go (even on your own); Like a community house, a café, the grocery store, the snack bar even.. You can walk into strangers and roll into conversations at the most random places. You could even end up making new friends.
    Another alternative would be to put up papers in the local stores, offering to baby-sit, or to walk their dogs. That way you'll be out of the house and doing something and most of the times you'll also get paid for it (good motivator in my experience). And besides that, it's also a way to get in contact with people.

    At the moment I can't really think of any other ideas and suggestions, but perhaps someone else can :smile:
    Meanwhile, feel free to keep posting because just letting it out can already help a great deal to make you feel at least a tad better :hug:
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hiya, and welcome

    sorry to read you are feeling so low. i know exactly the feeling you describe, and it's horrible. one thing that helps me is to defer -- so, i say to myself, i won't do it today, i'll do it tomorrow. then tomorrow, i defer for another day.

    are you still in touch with the therapist? if so, why not give them a call. if not, it's always possible to find another therapist. sometimes it takes a few tries until you find the person who clicks with you. the reason i mention a therapist is that it's really hard to dislodge those suicidal feelings without some other supports. sometimes it can be a therapist, or a social worker or a nurse, but basically, someone to help you figure things out.

    i would say my depression did not start getting better until i had a few months of professional help, and yeah, i do take anti-depressants and they made me feel worse for a bit.

    anyhow, you have us to bounce ideas over with, and please do not act too hastily. there are options other than suicide, it just might be hard to see them right now

  4. MaNg0s

    MaNg0s Well-Known Member

    Ty for the reply. I have been with 4 different therapists but my insurance Bupa insurance won't cover me anymore as I have gone over my yearly allowance. I am on a waiting list for another therapist but that could take any time between 2-4 months. I will give myself till next week then if I still feel the same I will act on these urges.
  5. MaNg0s

    MaNg0s Well-Known Member

    Ty for your reply. Well there things I usually do to get my mind of these feelings like skateboard but lately I just don't have the energy for it. Or I work out but again I don't have the energy for it I just feel so low.
  6. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Do you have a lack of energy to start it, like to actually go and do it, or does that lack of energy stay all the time?
    I know that back in the days I didn't have any energy to get out of bed either, but when someone pulled me out of bed and got me to do something (like badminton, or walking), I would start getting more energy while doing whatever I was doing.
    Get what I'm saying?
    Maybe it's worth a try to go and skateboard, even if you don't have the energy, just bite through it, and do it, maybe while you are skateboarding the energy will come? I know it's difficult to get up and do something when you don't feel the energy for it, but perhaps you could try it at least once, to see if doing the skateboarding will actually increase your energy.. :hug:

    I hope you understood what I'm saying, I don't think my English was all perfect there :unsure:
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    sorry thngs are so rough and very glad you posted...have you sought counseling? Talking to someone who can help you direct your efforts and to find ways to reduce the pain may be helpful...and yes, it is a good thing to do things that distract you and bring some enjoyment...try to find something, even if it is a few minutes exercising...and keep posting...there are many ppl here who understand what you are going through...big hugs, J
  8. MaNg0s

    MaNg0s Well-Known Member

    I have tried counseling medication a lot of things but nothing has made me feel better. I started taking medication before my ex left me after she did leave me nothing seemed to work and I have been slipping further down ever since. I think its just the end of the road for me.
  9. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i know it seems like the end of the road, but it doesn't have to be.

    that really sucks about your insurance, but this is an emergency situation so if you can afford to pay out of pocket, please do so. if you can't, call the suicide helpline and see if they can refer you to somewhere free or with a sliding scale.

    my doc put it this way: when you are the goldfish, all you can see is the fishbowl. which is to say you can't see any options other than suicide; you can't see the rest of the room, the house, or the world. all you see is the water and the walls of the fishbowl.

    medication does not work the same for everyone, sometimes it takes a few tries, at different doses to find something that works, and sometimes it simply does not work at all. that does not mean it is time to give up, no matter how tired you are.

    you won't always feel as low, and as without hope, as you do right now, i promise. the healing process takes time and lots hard work, but it is worth it. you are worth it,

  10. MaNg0s

    MaNg0s Well-Known Member

    I have been feeling the same for years it wont go away and now its just worse since my ex left.
  11. LonelyTraveler

    LonelyTraveler Well-Known Member

    No mindless crap from me. I won't tell you not to do it because I don't know you. You have every right to feel however you feel. So you've tried medication and therapy and they didn't work. Some wars aren't meant to be won.
  12. MaNg0s

    MaNg0s Well-Known Member

    You are right I am soo tired of fighting these feelings its like all I have ever done is battle the way I really feel and I just don't have the strength anymore. I have decided that next tuesday is the day I will end my life how I am not sure contemplating between suffocation or hanging myself. Just nothing to live for any more its sad because I used to be such a happy guy then something in me changed for me its just been one big blur for the past 4 years now and I am tired of feeling this way.
  13. ASG

    ASG Member

    Not sure where you live, but if you've attempted suicide or find yourself even preoccupied with the notion there IS public assistance available to get you back into treatment, even in a hellhole of a healthcare system (America's is about the worst). Try to find yourself an Ombudsman or advocate on the local level, there are many non-profit private agencies and public ones that should be able to help you. Start online and go from there. You need someone to help you navigate the bureacracy, but I promise you there are plenty of programs out there to help you. I'm sure your school has resources as well. If you feel like you're going to kill yourself then call the authorities or a hospital and tell them. You'll be taken to a hospital for a short term evaluation and treatment--don't attempt suicide so that you can get treatment, there are many other avenues available to you that are much more ideal--and that's a lot better than dying.

    Breakups are hard to deal with, especially at your age, but in time you will get over it .. In fact you will get over it utterly and completely if you meet someone better suited for you in the future. I felt devastated after my first breakup (five year relationship) but not long after that I met someone else and as our relationship developed it put everything about the first relationship in crystal clear perspective. I found myself astounded and wondering what in the heck was I thinking!

    You have your whole life ahead of you. Unlike many of us in here time is on your side, you're going to be young for a few more decades and the wonders of human experience will drastically alter your perspective in more ways than you know. Right now it's very distorted because there are so many things you just haven't experienced.

    Make new friends, go out on dates, stay in school and get your degree in a field you know will bring you satisfaction and even joy--my dad was a music teacher for 42 years, a highly acclaimed one actually, and even though he wasn't much of father to me in many respects I always admired the fact he was making a decent living doing something he loved.

    You may feel hopeless right now but it will pass. Have fun while you're still young. Who knows you may get back together with your GF if you guys are really meant to be together.
  14. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    break ups can be hard and no one said you would get over her in a while, it just takes some time
  15. MaNg0s

    MaNg0s Well-Known Member

    Its not only the break up its soo many things the break up is what just pushed me over the edge.
  16. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    often its something small or the final part in the machines until it all gives way.
  17. MaNg0s

    MaNg0s Well-Known Member

    Well I originally planned to end my life next Tuesday but I really can't wait that long so I will be doing it tomorrow night. Its odd I have never been a big fan of the God but I am hoping if there is one I will end up in a place where I feel no pain.
  18. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Why have you chosen tomorrow night, specifically?
  19. MaNg0s

    MaNg0s Well-Known Member

    No particular reason I might do it tonight I am not sure but I will definitely do it tomorrow night.
  20. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    I'll be going next week I think...and I've been trying to 'get back myself' for years.
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