I'm male but want to be female. I've been on hormones for 5 years, but still completely look male. I'm in a great deal of pain from this - every time I see a moderately pretty woman, I die a little bit inside, and cry the next time I'm alone. I'd rather be dead than male, but apparently I will always be male, so I just want to die. I don't seem to have the courage or selfishness to kill myself, so I'm simply stuck and in a lot of pain.