Can't control it anymore

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Ruby, May 13, 2008.

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  1. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    I know that I always seem to be creating threads about how much I wanna kill myself, but I really don't have anywhere else to turn :sad:

    A lot of shit is going on at home, I won't go into what, but it's stressing my whole family out. I'm experiencing strong suicidal thoughts, so much so that I jumped out of the car a few nights ago and tried to jump off a motorway bridge. I can't control anything anymore. I wish to get a knife and slash my wrists open.

    My nurse called earlier saying that the consultant psychiatrist wants me to go in to see him tomorrow. I don't know what to tell him. I've been in the local emergency department twice in as many weeks in distress with voices and overwhelming urges to kill myself. I honestly can't cope anymore. Should I tell him everything and risk being put in hospital? Or lie and go home and kill myself?

    I'm shaking with agitation and anxiety. I want to cry but I have no tears left. I'm emotionally numb. I'm past giving a fuck about everything around me.

    The only justification I can give to all this is that I was put on abilify a couple of weeks ago (from seroquel) and all seems to have gotten worse since then. I'm seriously worried that i'm going to harm myself or someone else.

    I don't know why i'm trying to explain myself, because I can't. I think i'm losing my mind.
  2. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    Ruby, hun please tell the doc the truth. If he/she believes its good for you to go to hospital then please do so. Hospitals are not all that bad, at least you are safe so you cant harm yourself. Please do it. We are here for you anytime.
    You are in my thoughts,
    Beret xx
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i agree with beret, just tell the truth. you can emphasize that you don't want to be hospitalized, but be open to all of the options they offer you. i was in a similar place - emotionally - last week. the best i was able to describe it was that there was a blizzard in my head. my therapist told me something really helpful: all storms end, so why end your life when you know that one day, hopefully soon, the storm will lift. she was right. it's only 5 days since i went to the hospital but i feel WAY better.

    be brave. tell the truth. let us know what we can do to support you.
  4. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    Keeping everything in and you will only end up destroying yourself.

    Tell the doctor what's happening. Even if the doctor won't be able to help, you will still feel better once someone else also know about your problems.
  5. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    Thank for you for the replies, really appreciate it..

    I went to see my doctor today. He's increasing the abilify from 20mg to 30mg and have always decided to put me on 400mg seroquel. I'm feeling optimistic that this should help me a little bit.

    At the moment i'm quite calm and relaxed. I'm going to put off any suicidal ideas off for the time being (although this could change later as my mood is constantly up and down)
  6. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    As well as the effexor (couldn't edit my post)
  7. Broken_Heart

    Broken_Heart Active Member

    You should tell your doc. It'll only make you better. I'm not entirely sure what to say. But I hope you don't kill yourself
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