Can't control it, need the pain.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Menchi, Sep 18, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    I really don't know why right now, nothing triggered it that i can see, i just really want to rip my skin to pieces, i don't care how. I'm trying hard not to move out of bed for now, the door is locked, but i know there are scissors in the room somewhere, and i'm scared if i try to find them to get them out the way, i will end up using them. It just feel like my whole body is calling out for it, just to feel something. I've tried reading through all the tips on here, but my brain just seems to block every one of them, just says i need that pain, need to hurt, to feel again, and i'm not in control of it properly, its like a reflex, like an itch or something, like i move instinctively to keep tearing my skin up... and the worst thing is, it feels so good when i give in, each time i hit or scrape my skin, is making me feel really good, which i don't usually feel... its usually just neccessary for me, so i'm not sure why its like this... i don't know how far i will go right now, thats why i posted. For now i know i'm not doing any serious damage, i just want it to stop instead of getting worse.
     
  2. Littlewiji

    Littlewiji Well-Known Member

    Take a walk, like a really long one, somewhere peaceful. If you live near a forest, go for a walk in that. There's nothing like fresh air and nature to calm you down.
     
  3. confuzzle

    confuzzle Well-Known Member

    We are here for you menchi. I'm struggling at the moment much like you, just know that you aren't alone in this. You seem to be holding it at bay for now, lets keep it that way, yeah? I'm never far away, and you can always drop a PM if you want.

    And believe me, we all want this to stop.
    :)
     
  4. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    thanks alot.

    there's not really anywhere i can take a walk round here, without being near a load of people. nowhere peaceful really at least.

    i managed to get myself to fall asleep, without doing too much (scratches, couple of bruises, nothing more), but when i woke up, i still have that feeling... i can't seem to shift it, the pain is making me feel good, like a rush of energy or something each time i do it. i know that its wrong, that something is distorded, but i'm finding it almost impossible to stop myself from taking it further.
     
  5. Littlewiji

    Littlewiji Well-Known Member

    I think, from the sound of it, your doing an amazing job. Can you try putting on some loud music? I find fast paced stuff takes my mind off things.
     
  6. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    :( i couldn't resist in the end. im sorry for letting everyone down.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.