Can't cope with this...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Avalanche, Oct 3, 2008.

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  1. Avalanche

    Avalanche Member

    I hope this is the right place to post this.
    I am new here and not good at opening up.
    To die without at least trying though would be a failure, and I don’t want to fail.
    I don’t want to live like this anymore with everything hurting so much. It is just too much and I feel like I just need everything to be quiet and peaceful and the only way I can think of achieving this, is to drift away. When I think about that, it just calms me down and makes me feel like one day everything will all be ok.
    One day, the nightmares will stop.
    The memories will stop.
    Flashbacks and voices will all stop.
    I will be free and clean.

    I just feel so dirty and disgusting and everything I look at or touch is just tainted with my past. I know I need to move on…and I have been trying…but it is always there. My punishment. Dying would be cheating…I know that, I deserve to live like this…

    I am sorry.
    I am just so confused.
    It’s hard to let any of it out.
    I just want it to stop.

    Thank you for listening,
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    welcome! i am sorry to read that the past has such a hold on you. i think many of us feel the same way, so you're not alone in that feeling. i have found the community here to be very supportive and i hope you will continue to post and to share with us.
  3. Damaged Guy

    Damaged Guy New Member

    oh boy can I relate to what you wrote, all too much. lately the thoughts (day and dreams) have been almost more than I can handle. things in the past can hurt us SO much more than things that happen to us in the present. the past is the past and we CANNOT do a damn thing to change it. yeah, SO much easier said than done, it all is and always will be.

    guess what... you're already coping with it... surprise. your words prompted me to reply, which kinda helps me, so you should feel good about that.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Good Morning Avalanche,
    I am sorry your past is holding you down. The others have been giving you good advice! You really need to try and get rid of those negative thoughts from your past. All they do is hold you back! I found that a good therapist can teach you how to let go! Or to learn to live with it. I have let go of alot and the rest I just cope with.
    You can only live in the present!! There is nothing you can do about the past and the future hasn't happened yet. Why don't you tell us a little more about you. The more we know the more we can try to support and give advice to you. Well try to stay strong and keep posting we care what happens.By the way welcome to the forum. I am slipping a little, I almost forgot to welcome you!!! Take Care my friend!!!~Joseph~
  5. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    i just wanted to give you a :hug:
  6. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    i feel the same way. i dont know what you have done in the past but you dont deserve to suffer over it. you are totally right in saying you need to move on however difficult that may be. start thinking about the things you can do in the future, not be thinking about what you did (or should have/havent done) in the past.
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum Avalanche. Everything you said rings so true for me as well. I am glad you are choosing to try and fight this by exploring all options. The SF community can offer you a great deal of support as you try and work through your issues. A good therapist is also an excellent idea. Do not give up hope. You can beat the demons from your past. :hug:
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Avalanche,
    I went and read your thread again and saw where you said sometimes you see your in a quiet and peacefull place. That is a coping skill a good therapist can expand on. It is called visualization. When I first started with my therapist I used it all the time. Positive self talk is also a good coping skill to use. Please keep posting with us, we are here for you!!Take Care!!~Joseph~
  9. Avalanche

    Avalanche Member

    Thank you for taking the time to reply.
    Some days I can cope and they are ok, just lately it has all been keeping me down.

    Thanks for making me feel less alone with all of this.

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