cant cope

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by necrodude, Oct 25, 2009.

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  1. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    my friends were round today. one of them said "if your so suicidal why havent you killed yourself yet?" i took it bad, and well, i tried to end it. they busted in my bedroom and stopped me. ive had a long talk with my other friend and i feel better. but hes gone now. and i want to cut. i want to die still. but i wont swing this time. im sure im coming close to breaking down. im not suffering a crisis. just feeling near the end. im trying to control the urges to hurt. but the only reason im succeeding is because i know it isnt enough anymore.
     
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Rob, I didn't know you were doing so badly today. :(
    Your friend is an ass, I can't believe he/she said that. Of course you'd take it badly.

    What's making you feel you're going to break down?
     
  3. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    just too much pressure/issues and its a bad time of year for me anyways...
     
  4. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I know it's your birthday on Tuesday. But remember what you said in your other thread, about it almost being like your own person new year. Instead of seeing it how it has been the last 23, make this one entirely different. Write a plan, 10 things you are going to do to make this one different than the last. We can work on it together if you like?
     
  5. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    i made a small list... dont know why. just feel dead inside. now i know why all my dreams feature zombies. :(
     
  6. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    fuck it. time to break another glass then god knows what else
     
  7. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hey, hold on. Instead of hurting yourself, how about talking here first? You don't have to make sense, just talk. Say what's going on right now - try and get some of it out so you don't take it with you through the night. Tomorrow can take care of itself. Please don't stop talking.
     
  8. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    sorry :( i have been talking. but right now i need to cut. then i can put it behind me. id rather regret doing it than regret keeping the anger
     
  9. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Sure I can't condone that, but if that's what you've got to do - better that than the alternative. Please stay safe.
     
  10. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    :hug:

    I've known people who would say the same thing your friend said. Some people blurt out this kind of stuff. There have been times when I pound my pillow and scream I'm angry until the anger is spent.
     
  11. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    thanks, both of you but to shout means more trouble with the landlord so its much better to take the easy option, and sting.
     
  12. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    :) One night I couldn't shout (2:30 in the morning) for the same reason, so I screamed it in my mind.

    :hug:
     
  13. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    ill probably go to the graveyard (its right next door, literally), and shout. at least by the time anyone else arrives ill be back home.
     
  14. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Shout fit to wake the dead huh? Necrodude who are you angry at?
     
  15. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    There you go! Good idea. :)
     
  16. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member


    me. my soft side. my emotions. my inability to pinpoint blame except on myself.
     
  17. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Your soft side is nothing to be angry at Rob.
    I've noticed a lot that the guys on this site are so angry at themselves for being sensitive and caring too much. But how inhumane is it not to care. I think it's endearing that you all care about things and have emotions and feelings. I know they're all messed up at the moment and a lot of that is down to other people. Because I'm sure most of us wouldn't be as upset as we are if it weren't for circumstance. Something that has happened to us, at the hands of 'someone'.

    You're depressed and you aren't sure why. You aren't alone in that hun. Don't blame yourself because it's not your fault. None of this is.
     
  18. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    it has to be my fault. they are my feelings after all...
     
  19. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Yeah but you didn't chose to be this way.
    You can't help how you were made and you can't force change, you can only work with what you have and do your best to make things better. But you can't beat yourself up about what your brain or your body is doing to you.
    I know I always say I hate this line but it's true - you're only human. And we aren't as in control of our emotions as we'd like to think. Otherwise we wouldn't get jealous when someone gets promoted over us at work, we wouldn't care when we were dumped after having being in love - we'd just 'get over it'. We wouldn't cry when our loved ones died we'd 'man up'.
    But who ever does that? Nobody. And if anybody ever tries to, they're told they're robotic.
     
  20. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Yes your feelings, that's why you're suffering. If for one moment you could accept that maybe it's not your fault, just for a bit, and off the top of your head who do you think you might be angry at, apart from yourself?
     
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