Can't Cope

I really can't cope. I have the thoughts going around and round constantly. I have started making plans again and I don't know what to do with myself.

I am seeing my CPN Beth tomorrow but I don't want to end up in hospital again. I have written about going back in to hospital in my blog and I don't think it would be for the best. I am scared if I am honest with her I am going to have to go back in to hospital.

I keep thinking about how I can do it and I have the methods to do it.

If I have to go in to hospital I have a feeling it will be long term as it was talked about before when I was in there. They were talking about transferring me to a specialist unit for people who self harm. More long term. Scary stuff.

But the feeling inside is the need to die. I have no purpose and I can see no future.

 

How did your meeting go?

Feel free to PM if you want to chat.

I know the idea of being in the unit long term is terrifying but maybe it will help?

 

It didn't go well. They may be arranging another mental health act assessment. I've just posted on my blog about it.

 

I am very sorry to hear that it did not go well. Its good that you have plans to hide things that you would rather keep secret though.

Why do you feel you have no future may I ask?

 

No, the plans are not good. They are destructive plans.

My CPN called back and has said she wants to speak to my Mum about what I have said to her and I have said I don't want her to.

The other option was informal admission. I said I would prefer this than her speaking to my Mum. So now they are going to be looking into whether or not there are any beds.

 

Oh I apologise, must have misunderstood what you meant.
I hope this goes well for you. Can you accept that what they do they do to try to help you?

Whatever happens you have my best wishes.