I really can't cope. I have the thoughts going around and round constantly. I have started making plans again and I don't know what to do with myself. I am seeing my CPN Beth tomorrow but I don't want to end up in hospital again. I have written about going back in to hospital in my blog and I don't think it would be for the best. I am scared if I am honest with her I am going to have to go back in to hospital. I keep thinking about how I can do it and I have the methods to do it. If I have to go in to hospital I have a feeling it will be long term as it was talked about before when I was in there. They were talking about transferring me to a specialist unit for people who self harm. More long term. Scary stuff. But the feeling inside is the need to die. I have no purpose and I can see no future.