I really don't know where to start. I've never been super happy for about ten years. I've already tried to take my life a few years back and have scars to prove it. But I've been able to coupe for the last five years pretty well. I haven't had a life out of high school and have just taken care of my parents since I was eighteen. First my dad before he died and now my mom who refuses to get help and is abusing our relationship. I have two sisters and neither one of them will help me and its just me by myself. I mean I haven't had a life at all I want to go to college I want to have a boyfriend and be happy. Everything just hit me all at once two days ago when I had plans for my day off and ended up having to clean and do grocery shopping and before I knew it was night time already. And its like this all the time for me where I can't do stuff I want to or if I do I have no desire to. Or even if I really do something I really want to I find no enjoyment from it. I'm losing my appetite and only get a few hours of sleep. I look so sad now that even random strangers ask me what is wrong with me. I don't know its been building up inside of me for so long now it hit me all at once last night. Where I was ready just to take some stuff and fade away. I ended up not doing it but I still feel like crap this morning and not happy to get up. I did end up talking on a help chatline and if anything it made me feel worse writing everything out. And right now its taking all my willpower not to do anything right now. I mean I have everything planned out right now for 100% success. I mean I dearly want to be happy but it feels like my life is not going anywhere and I lost so many years I'm never getting back.