Can't coupe

[LadyR]

I really don't know where to start. I've never been super happy for about ten years. I've already tried to take my life a few years back and have scars to prove it. But I've been able to coupe for the last five years pretty well. I haven't had a life out of high school and have just taken care of my parents since I was eighteen. First my dad before he died and now my mom who refuses to get help and is abusing our relationship. I have two sisters and neither one of them will help me and its just me by myself. I mean I haven't had a life at all I want to go to college I want to have a boyfriend and be happy. Everything just hit me all at once two days ago when I had plans for my day off and ended up having to clean and do grocery shopping and before I knew it was night time already. And its like this all the time for me where I can't do stuff I want to or if I do I have no desire to. Or even if I really do something I really want to I find no enjoyment from it. I'm losing my appetite and only get a few hours of sleep. I look so sad now that even random strangers ask me what is wrong with me.

I don't know its been building up inside of me for so long now it hit me all at once last night. Where I was ready just to take some stuff and fade away. I ended up not doing it but I still feel like crap this morning and not happy to get up. I did end up talking on a help chatline and if anything it made me feel worse writing everything out. And right now its taking all my willpower not to do anything right now. I mean I have everything planned out right now for 100% success. I mean I dearly want to be happy but it feels like my life is not going anywhere and I lost so many years I'm never getting back.

 

[sadhart]

Welcome, I'm glad that you decided to come here. I'm really sorry about your situation. It isn't fair that you have to deal with so much stuff, but I do want to say that I admrie you for taking on this responsibility. I can relate to not being able to find much help from the chatline....that's happened to me before. I can also relate to not being heppy and feeling like so much time has been lost. I wish I could tell you the answer but I don't have one I'm afriad. I just want you to know thta you aren't alone and myself and others here can certainly relate to what you are dealing with. Sometimes knowing that much helps me a little. i hope that you are able to have a relaxing night. Bye for now.

 

[LadyR]

Thank you. I talked on another chatline which I guess kind of kept my occupied for an hour. But the guy didn't really help me out any just like the last one. And it just turned into I should try to talk to friends which I really don't have. And the ones I do know would think I'm faking it and laugh it off. Or go to a support group which makes me nervous even thinking about because I'm so shy. And in the end nothing came out of it other then getting told I need to figure out a plan. And do something that makes me happy which nothing does right now. At least it got rid of a couple hours before work so I'll have nine hours were I'll be pretty safe at least. Or end up leaving in tears which might happen. But I'm close to not even going right now since I feel awful. And I'm not looking forward to tonight at all after I get off work since it will be late and I won't really have anything or anyone to occupy me. And I know like last night my thoughts will start racing. I already know what need to pickup and do right now. Really the only thing that is stopping me is my two cats since they know I'm very upset and are trying to comfort me.

 

[Light]

Hmm.. What I can see of what you are writing is that you are very unhappy with your life. I mean, How your life is. I will try to give some tips.. To help you.

You say you have no friends and no boyfriend. Maybe you can try to go on a club or something, I mean a dance group, music lessons, sports. Maybe you can try find some friends there. And are there not any nice people at your work? Maybe you can ask some to hang out some time.

What about the place you live? Are you happy there? Are you happy with your job? If not, change it.

Change everything you are not happy about, even if it is your job, your home or whatever seems to make you unhappy. Take your step into happiness. Make your life that way that you can be happy about it. Good luck!

 

[Petal]

Hi lady and welcome to the forum,

you are taking a lot out of yourself regarding taking care of your mom and doing so much yourself. Is there anything fun ye could do together? Lat year I went to see the riverdance with my mom it was amazing and the best night I had in a very long time. Try and find something ye will both enjoy. I fail to understand why your sisters are not helping out, maybe you are just the compassionate one, how old are you now? Would you try and seek professional help? You might need to since you cannot eat, sleep properly. We're a life line for you too

 

[LadyR]

Light, I have a really hard time with groups being around a lot of people makes me really jittery. As for people at work most of them are jerks. And most are male and i'm one of the few gals. I did try hanging out with a couple but they just took advantage of me. I'm trying to find another job but it just adds another layer of stress to my life.

Petel, doing stuff with my mom would make me so happy. But she is really depressed herself a never leaves her house. And she refuses all help to where no one cares to help her at all.

I'm 26 almost 27 soon hopefully. And have just been a free caretaker since I got out of high school. I do have an appointment with a therapist in two days. Just hope nothing happens before then. I get off my job at 1am and dreading it since there's really no where I can go to take my mind off things. I usually look forward to going home but not now.

 

[Suicidal_psycho]

I can kind of relate. My mom is crippled from an auto-immune disorder so it's just me and my dad taking care of the chores. Sometimes I hate her and wish it was just me and my dad. I've had social anxiety in the past but these days it's mostly due to my learning disabilities and my anxiety over people thinking I'm stupid because I can't do simple math. I have a really hard time holding a job because of it. I've lost my third job this year and now I must explain to my parents I got fired again. I don't have many friends either and I've ruled out dating because I've had such terrible experiences with relationships. You might want to consider that not having a boyfriend isn't such a bad thing. Gender relations are at an all time low so it might be best to opt out of romantic relationships altogether. Sex is something I greatly miss but I'm a man and lack of sex is something most men go through at one point or another. This forum is here to help us cope. That's why I've come here. I lack a support network so I'm dealing with everything alone. Just keep posting I'm sure someone here can help.

 

[Petal]

Light, I have a really hard time with groups being around a lot of people makes me really jittery. As for people at work most of them are jerks. And most are male and i'm one of the few gals. I did try hanging out with a couple but they just took advantage of me. I'm trying to find another job but it just adds another layer of stress to my life.

Petel, doing stuff with my mom would make me so happy. But she is really depressed herself a never leaves her house. And she refuses all help to where no one cares to help her at all.

I'm 26 almost 27 soon hopefully. And have just been a free caretaker since I got out of high school. I do have an appointment with a therapist in two days. Just hope nothing happens before then. I get off my job at 1am and dreading it since there's really no where I can go to take my mind off things. I usually look forward to going home but not now.

Have you tried explaining to her how your depression is affecting you? I am also 26 and my mom is my world, would do anything for her. Find something to look forward to whether its on your own or with your mom. You really need to be open with her, maybe if she sees how much it is affecting you that it will drive her on to get help for herself. How did the appointment with the therapist go? Good I hope.

 

[LadyR]

Just an update I made it through the last few days somehow. I've gone and actually talked and got a lot of stuff out which really helped. It really feels like night and day for me right now. I mean still kind of get little patches of saddens every so often but not where I was a few days go. Also just took one day for myself alone and tried not to worry about anything. And started to make some major life decisions for myself and put down goals for my future. I actually signed myself up for college to try to get into psychology since its something I've always wanted to do. So its taken my mind off a lot of stuff since I'm reading books now. Plus I'll be around a lot more people and will hopefully make some new friends. Also planning on finding another job since the one I'm in is pretty much a toxic environment for me. I mean I did alright the last few days there but I noticed I felt the saddest while at work. So that gives me another thing to focus on and keep me busy. As for getting into a relationship meh I'll see what happens but its not on the top of my list right now.