When I really need to harm myself (cut) then there is no way around. Unfortunately. But I now get angry with myself and the feeling that I am useless, not in control. And when I harm it is supposed to help me, but when I don't cut deep enough I feel even more useless. I can't even harm myself properly...kind of. And then the urge to harm stays or is even worse...do you get this? I need to cut deep enough but I hates hospitals, doesn't make sense?