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Can't deal with the death of my dad

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by MichiganWaitress, Mar 19, 2012.

  1. MichiganWaitress

    MichiganWaitress New Member

    I'm a 21 year old female. My whole life I've been more of a loner (don't like social situations), but if there's one person I truly loved to be around it was my dad. in fact, he was the ONLY person I ever cared about. about 1 year ago we were having dinner and his neighbour walked straight into our dining room. He was upset about my dad calling him some name in an earlier argument. He then punched my father, which caused a heart attack. After a few minutes he was dead.

    The neighbour was supposed to get a longer sentence, but because of some technicality, all he got was a few short months.

    The whole situation has just been eating at me every single day since it happened. I have never cared about anyone else in my life. I don't know how to get over it. I have been fantasising about what I would do to that neighbour if I was alone in a room with him. These thoughts have consumed all my time in the day lately. I feel like I'm isolating myself more and more. I want to be able to move on with my life and be happy again...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am soory you lost your father he xs

    Sounds like such a caring dad hugs to you
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I lost a much loved dad 18 months ago to lung cancer.
    His death was slow and agonising and I railed against everyone and everything.
    A devout catholic, I cannot even say what I called God :hiding:

    Basically, we have to mourn.
    Mourning is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
    First there was just sheer numbing misery and then the mind blowing anger.
    Apparently this is perfectly normal, but its foul to go through, but thru it we must go.
    As hard as it is, if you can forgive the neighbour, this will bring you some peace.
    Look at it this way, I don't suppose for one minute that your neighbour had any idea what that punch would cause.
    Not excusing him, just saying that a punch does not usually result in a death.
    Not even suggesting you forgive him for his sake...bugger his sake.....but for yours.
    Healing begins when we can let things go and lets be honest, its so much easier to be angry than to face the absolute misery that is the loss of a much beloved father. :hug:
  4. stayhappyxp

    stayhappyxp New Member

    First off, I would like to say I'm very sad to hear about the situation. It is very unfortunate. We can only imagine the pain you're going thru. This is my first time offering advice, but I really wish it helps.

    We can understand that you want to move on from such a pain, but the heart ache is too strong. You may be thinking, if you move on, you'd be forgetting about your Dad, the person you loved most, and you don't want that. You want to grieve, but it hurts soo much..The things is, you have to grieve.

    If you don't, you'd be running away from your feelings, and all that energy would be transformed into bitter hate and misery.

    I understand you must have loved your Dad a ton fold, a love even the galaxies can't hold. But you must accept that this has happened. With life, there is death. With having, there is losing. Everyone eventually turns into white bones of dust, like the leaves of winter. Your dad may not be next to you physically, but...he is alive within your very heart.

    How does someone really die? Someone really dies,...when you forget about them. SO NEVER, EVER EVER EVER!!!! FORGET ABOUT HIM!! Your Dad lives on with in YOU! And within all the hopes and dreams he's passed down! YOU are his hopes and dreams! He put all his love and care into YOU! What real parent wouldn't wish or work for their child's happiness.

    Your Dad loved you just as you loved him, maybe even just a pinky more. He's trying his best to wipe away your tears right now, and nudge you in the back. Do you think he'd really want to see you so hurt and lonely? He's with you always.

    Sure, who doesn't like the idea of revenge, but don't waste your energy. You aren't the only one sad. How do you think your neighbor felt,...to kill a father, and left a daughter in a flood of tears. He regrets..I feel it, I know it. If you can't forgive him, then at least forgive yourself. Don't beat yourself up for wanting to move on, your Dad would want the same thing.

    Scream out all you want too say to him but couldn't. He'll hear you. Thoughts and emotions connect us all.

    All storms eventually pass, and tomorrow the sun will shine bright and warm. Live your Dad's dream that he's passed down. Live happily.


    What happened...has happened.

    We all wish to share our supportive energy to help you with your grievance. May you accept it with an open heart. Hope this helps! :)

    ~Stay Happy