Ok. So I am in the Navy. As far as the Navy is concerned, I don't really have a problem with it. I do my job to the best of my ability, always get told im doing a good job, and my superiors are always nice to me. The problem I have is with people. People are stupid. They get us all into trouble. But that is neither here nor there. As of late (Forever) I have felt underappreciated. As a kid I didn't talk much becuase no one was my friend. I only spoke to my parents and I didn't talk to anyone else unless instructed to. Around 9th grade I started talking to people. I was picked on becuase I have dandruff, and I was a bigger kid. I had a girlfriend, who cheated on me three times, and I decided on my own accord that i was not going to date her anymore, so I left her. Around 11th grade, I found another girl. We dated for 7 years. It was fun. But when she wanted to marry me, I was unstable. Financialy and working wise. So I declined. And then My dad retired from the Air Force, and I moved. I went to CalPoly San Luis Obispo for a while, then Enlisted in the Navy. I get depressed often. I often feel like no one wants to be around me. I get ditched all the time and it feels like no one truly appreciates me. I am honest, and all the friends who say they are my friends tell me that im like a brother. nothing more. I can never be anything more to anyone. When I want to talk to someone, I just scare them away. I tried to talk to someone here, but she told her superiors who told my superiors and It was a factor that resulted in my being ejected from the class I was in. That and being Cocky and Arrogant. I don't think I am either. The people I talk to on a regular basis say the same when I ask. But I think they think the same way. I am not good enough. Anyway, Now I am without a job in the navy, and no signing bonus. Workwise, im told im a good person. Personality wise, im told that im not so much. My boss has said directly to me that I am a "ouchebag and a digrace to the Navy." I don't think I am. I work hard. I do what I am told to do to the best of my ablity. The Reason I feel the way I do most of the time is because I get ditched. Often. People will invite me out, and then either go out without me, or take me, and leave me out there. Both have happened. Everyone says I should get new friends, but I feel that I am inadequite for everyone. Especially women. I am a social butterfly. I love to speak, I give great speeches. I am an awesome talker. But I am also Honest. I have a sense of Honor. I won't mess with a drunk girl. I don't hurt people. I hate fighting. I don't think that this is what women want usually though. I just hate it. I hate how everyone relies on me to do things, and when I need help, no one can. Its stupid. At night, it gets worse. If something goes south about 5ish, then I just take 9 or 10 sleeping pills and sleep and hope everything gets better in the morning. I have trust issues with people becuase of the girl here, and I have papertrail paranoia naturally. Its hard. I just feel so hopeless. Like I will never be good enough for anyone. I have varied intrests and Its often hard to find someone I like. most of my friends who have demonstrated trust, I trust. but its only one or two. I don't talk to anyone really about how I feel anymore though. It feels like everytime I do, I just get more lost, and they always are like "I can't help you." I know its true too. I just don't know what to do anymore and I just want to end this stupid suffering. I feel that Suicide is an answer. But I know its not. But Im running out of things to do. Help? suggestions?