cant do it anymore....

[awb4130578]

i called yesterday t see if i can go back to an old pool that i used to work at-i got fired- and they said that they have all there guards for the summer... should i reapply for the fall? i got fired cuz when i was on stand i didnt see that a kid needed help out of the water. i wasnt paying much attention cuz i had somethin else on my mind-a kid in my grade said a bunch of shit about me on aim and school found out and said i made it up and if i tried to do anything about it i would be suspended for the rest of the school year and i would have to repeat my senior year. my stepmom found a out about this and told the principal too apologize to me but he never did...i have been depressed since march 2007 and suicidal off and on since september 2005. ive tried so many meds and they dont work. lexipro-made me go fuckin nuts, wellbutrin, cymbalta-what im on now..., they all dont work. right now i owe about $2,000 in hospital bills cuz my insurance is maxed out and they couldnt pay for me when i was all in the hospital-i went 4 times. 2 times were each 2 weeks and the other 2 weeks were one week each. i have blue cross blue shield for insurance. im under my dad's insurance. do u know of naything that can help me get better? i hate my life and i miss the pool i used to work at. i lifeguard. i am now at 2 other pools that pay better but i miss my old pool. the people i talked to there dont talk to me anymore. there not my friends r they? my grades suck. i took 9 classes this year at a community college- i only passed 2 of them...i hate having to work so much... if i am in school i have to work at least 20 hours a week. if im not in school i have to work 40 hours a week. if im in shcool i have to pay $25 a week for rent. if im not in school i have to pay $75 a week for rent. all rent is is doing the dishes every night, food, shelter-just to sleep-im rarley ever home, and to get my laundry done. i work enough that i rarely ever have time to myself. i hate it. all i wanna do is find a way to kill myself and do it... i dont have a gun and im not sure how to get one either...my dad yells alot too. that basically y i want to die...mabey some other readons too but i dont know of them... if i had hypnosis done do u thik it would help me get better? if u want anymore info just ask me for it...

 

[aeommai]

ummm, you could try a school guidance counselor.
personally, i think the social services worker would be better, if you have one at your school, and if that doesn't work, try talking to a teacher, some of them are pretty good at this kind of thing.

 

[Chiller]

Hi, this is my first post in this forum :smile:

I understand what you're going through, awb4130578, but there are people that have WAY worse problems in their lifes and suicide is not an option for them, you're only feeling as bad as you're allowing yourself to, it's all a state of mind, do NOT allow your own mind to control you, you have to control it instead.

For example, think of a patient in a hospital who's been diagnosed with cancer and can't be saved, even though everything's lost for him, he's still hanging on to dear life and just wants to LIVE even though his days are numbered... you've got your health, and you're a lifesaver... LIFE-SAVER, it's your job to save other people's life when death is knocking on their doors, so why can't you save your own?

You'll get it over it man, this is just a phase that you've been going through, and there's still hope for you :wink: