i just cant do it anymore.. i just cant stand my life... i always screw things up or hurt people.. Seems thats all i am ever doing.. i hate this life.. i hate myself.. i just cant do this anymore... I cant do it.. no matter how hard i try i always end up doing the wrong dang thing.. look what i did tonight.. i made others hate me.. i made them hate me now... all these tears and this hurt and pain i feel is really because of me.... it is all my fault... I am just so stupid and so worthless.. Heck even here i get called walling in my own self pity.. heck they are right. i am dumb , stupid , and crazy for thinking i could ever find anyone to love me... I cant even get my own dam family to accept and love me now... Why in the heck did i think i could be loved here? I am so stupid i ought to be shot.. but death will come soon to me now anyhow cause it is done.. it is so done and i cant change that now.. All i ever wanted or needed was someone to just love me.. just be friends with me..but no even i screw all that up and even on a support forum... i am just so stupid.. I dont even know why i am even still alive.. Why i am even breathing... Death can not come quick enough for me... God why? Why did i have to do this? Why couldnt i just have been loved by one person? Why did my family treat me so mean? Why did i have to hear that statement of walling in your own self pity ,,, ? Why of all places did i have to hear it here for? I did not need to hear that because so many times , those from church , the church that didnt love me told me those very words... So many times , then those online at the other forums would say the same thing then they go on to say i am seeking attention... those other forums said i was seeking attention.. God i am not seeking attention.. i just want to be accepted and loved just once, just one... I am hurting so much right now.. I cant stop this pain this time,, it is going too deep , just too deep.. I am just too dang weak to fight this anymore.. i am just too much of a cry baby.. that is what others see me as. i know they do.. they see me as a stupid cry baby who wants attention , who is walling in her own stupid self pity... well i am ending this pain. i can not and will not take this anymore.. Forgive me God forgive me for doing this but i can not do it anymore.. i just can not... i am useless . i am worthless. i am not even worth anything to you either.. how can i be? how can i be worth anything? this pain inside is killing me. i can no longer stop it or the tears... i did not need to hear that tonight... i just did not need to hear it.... not after being hurt by my family... this is a day that they will not ever forget.... i gave those around me time.. i gave them time to come around. to call , to visit , to say hi , i cant call them when i dont know where they are.. how can i make the first move when i have no clue as to where they are at? God if you dont want me to end it then give me a sign before it is to late.. Let me know i am loved , let me know that i am cared for... Time is fading away.. i can feel it now... i can feel the life leaving me .. God i just needed to know they cared.. but i am alone. i am alone and will die alone... They didnt care. i was so stupid to believe it all. They never called cause they didnt care. wonder , will they come to my funeral??