Lost my twin sister 3days afterbirth still feel like its my fault and also that my parents don't care about her because they don't visit the grave, they refuse to tell me where the grave is. Ive been raped once, and sexually harrassed(and gropped) on various occassions. So im not meant to be happy or alive. Ive tried seeking help through counselling lots of times but t never wrks for me. The flashbacks are unbearable, i wake up shaking most mornings.
Your parents not visiting your dead sister's grave doesn't mean they don't care. They probably had grieve long enough about your sister's untimely death and sometimes visiting graves triggers sad memories no wants to relive.
About being raped and sexual harassed, I am sure you heard a lot from counselors that is not your fault, you didn't asked to be rape, or you shouldn't feel ashamed. Even though you have deal with many counselors who have failed to help you, you shouldn't give up in helping yourself.
Just don't give up. I am sure that is very unbearable on you, having your flashbacks haunted you.
Just don't give up. There are many women who have learned to live pass their domestic abuse experience.
I know but they never mention her, they only tld me cz i found photos and cards but even before that i felt empty like they was apart of me missing, i called my toys, invsible friends naomi. I don't understand how to grieve for someone i knew for 9months 3days.
Im giving up on counsellors because they don't help. Yes the flashbacks drain me. I selfharm to come back to now. Its not bad selfharm it isn't going to kill me. I know i want to die but currently i have my driving instructor that cares about me and tries her hardest to help me(she doesn't know about suicidal). So i can't die yet. It is starting to take over all my thoughts.
Having lost a child, I can tell you that everyone grieves differently. My daughter's grave is four states away so I can't visit it. I used to send flowers on her birthday and the anniversary of her death but it didn't fill my need because I couldn't see it. Now on her birthday I bring flowers to a children's memorial. I sit there and talk to her, cry, and leave the flowers. The anniversary of her death is Dec. 30th and the memorial is usually snowed in so I keep the flowers. I am usually at my Mom's house and she always asks "who are the flowers for" and when I reply, "Serena" she walks away and never says anything again. Denial is her way of coping and I respect her need for that. Not that I don't wish we could talk about her. I have friends I can talk to about her life and death.
Thanks for all replies, I can't hurt myself any time soon got too many hours at work and my manager would miss having someone to have banter with. When i go back to college (5th sept) i can because then its only saturdays they have to find someone for
Ive tried seeking help, if your suicidal people think your uncapable to do stuff, my parents will just give me grief and tell me she wishes the better twin survived. So im nt wanted sorry but its truth. Only thing i can do to help is keep myself wrking lots of hours.