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Can't do this alone

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I can't do this. I can't live without her. Its bad enough not having her as my partner anymore, but not as a friend either. It is killing me. She is my only close friend....was. I can't take this.

I don't like talking to counsilers. I hate it. I can't talk. I try writing stuff down, nothing.

I don't do things for myself. I can't. I don't work, go to school, get out of bed for myself. I did it for her. To make her proud of me. Now, there is not point.

By i can't even kill myself for myself. Only good result of that some might say. BUt i can't do this. I just can't. Maybe staying in bed, not moving, not eating, then life can kill me.

I pray for something. I pray to recieve something to kill me. So many people have things that will kill them, and they want to live. I don't and I want to die. Doesn't seem fair.

I want to kill myself, i don't care how. I just want this to stop. This hurting. This caring. This need to be with her. I can't do this.

I just can't be alone. I will die alone


Staff Alumni
Hi keric and welcome...I did not see your first post...you were able to express yourself here, and I am sorry you are feeling so awful...maybe here you can find suggestions how to start doing something for yourself...try starting with something small...not sure what you like so it is hard to suggest anything...please, if you would like, tell us more about yourself and maybe someone here would have an idea...welcome again, big hugs


Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
You have to start doing things for yourself. I too made the mistake of making someone my reason for life and I'm just coming to the realisation that this was a really bad thing.
One that gives them way too much power over you (and probably puts a hell of a strain on them too)
And two, we should be people in our right, with our own goals, ambitions and desires.

I know how hard it is when you miss someone so badly, some days I feel like I'm in a black hole of misery, but people are very supportive on here and get me thru the worse days.

Also I live minute to minute, I decide what I can deal with for that time and do it.

Don't try to do or deal with everything at once, make small steps:
Get up
Have a drink etc....

In the meantime, we are all here for you, let of steam, cry whatever you need we can take it.

This pain will pass.

ive read your post 3 times now and i really didnt know if i should answer or not.. cause i got nearly exactly the same problem and i wanted to kill myself right now.. believe it or not, ive read your post and i couldnt do it anymore..
i dont know if i can help you .. i'm maybe a bad idol, but if you want to talk just pm me.. well just if you want.. but nobody wants to talk to me.. i hope you will find a way through your life , you'd be better than me if you do..

well, i dont know what to write .. i cant concentrate cause im crying my eyes out..

watchy yourself
i don't really know what to say. but thanks for responding. that actually helps. nice to knwo i am not the only one who feels a certain way.
Re: to devasted

everyone, includer her, says i need to do things for myself. i don't knwo how. I put others first all the time, everytime, i can't get myself to do it for me. i don't know why. i can't even kill myself for myself, cause i worry about others. so stupid.
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