can't do this anymore

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Sparrow91, Sep 30, 2013.

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  1. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired of everything, i want to disappear, go to another world, anywhere but here. I don't have the guts to kill myself. I wish some horrible accident would just do it. Today i went under an overpass and hoped it would just collapse on me. I'm so confused and i come on here thinking that maybe that i would begin to get better but i keep getting worse.
    I can't tell anyone how i feel, im just not the person to bluntly say my feelings.
    My boyfriend saw my cuts today, i'm so stupid i should have been more careful.... he says hes not mad but i can see it in his eyes. He even said that he was actually a little turned on!!!!!!! i'm in total shock. He said its not the cutting its the fact that i was bad.... I just don't know what to think anymore. i'm embarrassed to even tell my feelings on here. I'm so frustrated. I'm tired of trying to fix my life, im tired of hoping its all going to get better, im tired of achieving things but always feeling like i have failed. Nothing in this world is ever good enough!
    I can't see a future. I can't see myself in the future.
    I just wish everything, everything would just end.
     
  2. yoyo

    yoyo Well-Known Member

    deep, maybe one day you will see the future for yourself and it will be as you dreamed it would. Only one way to find out
     
  3. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    hey, don't feel embarrassed to share feelings..
    there isn't anything wrong with high expectations in life.
    but how come you think your achievements aren't good enough ;/?
     
  4. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    They just feel pointless. I know thy are good and everything but I'm not where I want to be, I don't feel like I can get where I want to be. Maybe it's because my brother is great at his life and does better than me, (although i feel were almost the same), it's seems like my parents think that he's the golden child although they wouldn't dare say it. It makes me feel like Ive failed. I always push my self hard and it just doesn't end the way I want exactly. I just don't have the confidence to think its all fine, I'd like to think I have confidence but i don't. Basically there is many explanations I could come up with. It's just never good enough. What is achievement really? It never has an end, there's always more to go.
    (Sorry it's lengthy)
     
  5. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    favouritism?
    that's not good at all...

    but it's good you push yourself! even if it seems like: why. and no point ish.
    if not for yourself, whom are you pushing yourself for..
     
  6. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I don't know why, I guess I'm stubborn. I have this need to show everyone I can. I got bullied a lot when I was younger so now I don't like people saying I can't do something. I hate it. Plus if I don't push myself what do I have left?
    I'm just starting to run out of fuel or realize that I'm working hard for nothing. But like I said there's nothing left if I don't push.
     
  7. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    well, this analogy. when you run out of fuel, you stop at a station and fill up..
    maybe a break, treat yourself to something.. idk what i mean with that precisely.. but something to unwind...
    then be able to continue...
     
  8. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    :) I get what your saying I think. I went to the beach the other day, made me want to stay there forever. It just gave me more time to think lol which is not that good. Although it was enjoyable.
     
  9. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    relaxing scenery, other than the over thinking, yes?
    now that brings us back to the "can't sleep" thread. how to stop over thinking.
    haha, vicious cycle.
    i say 'haha', but it isn't 'haha' at all. would cry if didn't laugh though
     
  10. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    Yeah a vicious cycle. Thinking goes everywhere!
    Made me giggle though.
    I do "haha" when things are so screwed up cause I'd rather laugh then cry anytime. It's Like a cruel joke
    YOu over think a lot too?
     
  11. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    ah. i lack life really hard. and i'm in this house all day, every day.
    sometimes i'll go to another house. and be stuck there for days and days with yet more thinking. then come back.
    repeat.
    another 'haha' moment there
     
  12. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    Sounds tough. How come you don't try and go out somewhere? Like a break
    Hopefully writing will help with the thinking
     
  13. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    i really struggle with people in real life.
    and there's some racism there too..

    this has been going on for many years. i use to go places abroad where they weren't racist but then i use to get very attached but then they didn't think so, ah, i ramble, it was too much drama in any case...

    now it's like a habit and also because nothing else works but staying indoors. and sometimes that feels right but obviously isn't. i'd not be here otherwise, on this forum.

    yes. we should share things that we write that we feel we can share. if that made sense
     
  14. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I struggle with real people too, but its probably due to my shyness
    Racism, I can't believe it's not dead yet. It is amazing how people can still be so ignorant(for lack of a better word)
    People are people.
    Hopefully you can break your habit. Sounds like you like traveling were it not for all the drama.
    Don't stop your life because of others, if that's what it is.
    And yes that makes perfect sense.
     
  15. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    i mean i'm not a people person. never was..
    i like being on my own and have one close friend or 'friend' but no, that's not how life works. working life, educational life, social life..
    but it's what they say is normal.

    it's a petty problem or so i made myself believe. people struggle with much worse and homelessness too (though i am dependent on someone, else i'd be homeless too).


    anyway, this is your thread!

    and i am happy it so happened we spoke today. funny question which you don't have to answer 'cause idk.. what's your horoscope? ;d
     
  16. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    Nothing is a petty problem, it always has more meaning than we realize because we're not in the others shoes.
    It's good you talked though

    Yes I'm glad too! Although I will be trying to get some sleep soon it's 5:21 am! :) and I have class today
    And I'm a Gemini. You?
     
  17. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    aww, crap... class.
    what to do when you can't sleep? suggestion #28398: talk to someone.
    and then don't get enough rest. ouch

    i'm scorpio.. somewhat into horoscopes. coincidences make me wonder. wondering is good? lool
    hope you do get some rewarding sleep though and a fine day when you wake. byee
     
  18. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    Lol at least the talking helped, of course not the sleep

    I like horoscopes too. Scorpio that means your bday is coming up.
    Thank you. Hope your day goes well too.
    And thanks again for talking! :)
     
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