Can't do this anymore...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JennBabes, Sep 4, 2008.

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  1. JennBabes

    JennBabes New Member

    I dont know how to explain it... i just cant go on with my life. I cause bad things to happen...i upset people, make them angry... i break things. Im just generally hopeless and stupid. I have decided (a little while back) that im going to have to end it all, commit suicide, take my own life... whatever you want to call it. I have made my plans, very good plans because i love to plan things out really nicely. I already started collecting tablets (i get watched) and im planning on finishing things off asap. I dont have many tablets though, it might take a while.. im hoping that if i take a few different types of tablets they wont be able to save me even if i do get found. They wont know how to fix me or whatever. Idk just seems pointless, i mean people say 'oh you have your whole life ahead of you' or stuff similar to that but i dont want to live the rest of my life. I think about it, and i havent even been alive that long (14years) and i hate it already... i dont want to go through loads more years of feeling like absolute shite. I know, i know, i can 'get better' i can 'recover from this' but i cant ... it would take too much time if i did manage it and time is soemthing i dont have. My school started again today... i couldnt stop thinking about what im gonna do all through the day, i felt fed up like it was so pointless. I mean, whats the point in learning stuff if im not even gonna be here much longer?! there is none.. i kept thinking when my form tutor was telling us dates for parents evenings or whatever 'it doesnt matter, i wont be around then anyway'. I dont know what to do, with myself anymore. I have no motivation at all to do anything all i have been doing is sitting around on the computer or watching tv or in bed. I have lost quite a bit of weight over the holidays because i havent been eating as much, my appetite has just gone. I have been having a smallish breakfast (a piece of toast) and then missing lunch and then just having tea. I cant sleep well at all anymore, even if i go to bed at around 10/10.30 i wont be able to sleep until 12.30/1am and then i wake up early at like 6am. Everything frustrates me... the slightest little thing makes me want to scream and shout, i shout at my sister :cry: i dont mean to... just everything feels so out of my control and i hate it. I wish somebody would see that and save me. I cant save myself right now, i cant do this alone. Nobody can see though and i cant tell them... i just cant get myself out of this i cant save myself right now. I guess since nobody knows then nobody will help me really... its pointless even thinking somebody will save me cos they probably wont. :cry: i should just end it right now. Its for the best... i havent written everything on here about how i feel, its just i have no time... my sister is booting me off. I was horrid.. again... told her to fuck off. See, im such a bad person i dont even deserve to be alive anymore!!!

  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Jenn,
    You sound like a ratioanal person who has had a rough time. I know you are sick of hearing the same ole shit. Guess what, the advice you have been given does help but you have to accept it. Here on the forum you will get advice, Support(moral), one on one talk if you PM someone. And there is the chat room I can't get into!
    Why deep down do you want to commit? There is a big world out there! When I was young I lived in France, Germany, then a little older I lived in Okinawa, the phillipines, And I have been to Mexico several times!!
    All those were years ago but I still remember the good times I had being in a different country. So what I am saying is there are goals like that you can work on and acheive. You will find out that no one wants you to hurt your self. Trust me I have been there and the feelings haven't gone away. I am 51 and they are always there, I just keep them at bay. That is why therapy is good for you. It isn't a punishment. I have been in it for three years this go round. I use the coping skills I learned. The trick is to go in and be positive about it. If you go in all negative you might as well not go. You only get out of it what you put into it.
    Jenn set small goals for now and use positive self talk! Find a therapist. Don't worry about meds for now. You may not need them. That is something you can dicuss with your therapist. If she/he thinks you need it she/he will help you find a shrink!! Take Care and Stay Safe...:chopper:...
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Jenn, sorry to hear that you're in so much pain right now. I'm sure you're really not a bad person at heart, and hun you do deserve to live, just like we all do. You're only 14 years old. You're too young to be thinking about suicide. You should be out with your friends enjoying life. I guess you're starting grade 9 this year? I'm a teacher and I've taught students your age. I think that you might be bipolar. You might want to talk to a doctor sometime to see if there is anything physiologically wrong with you. Please don't kill yourself. Love yourself instead. :hug:
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