Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by notwanting2live, Oct 13, 2008.

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  1. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    I cant do this anymore. when my parents are in southampton tomorrow im gonna ask someone to lend me aloda money and get shit loadsa tablets i just cant deal with any of this shit anymore. everything in my head is driving me insane and i give up on the world. death fucking wins. i cant do this. X will work for me this time, i will fucking make sure of it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2008
  2. Seems your enemy is a cloudy head, not death - (that's if you want to personify death to begin with ... I'd love to hear on thoughts on this before you go on to actually find out).

    What I just read: "Everything inside you is driving you insane but you are giving up on the world due to the shit you have to deal with" ... Best to get this straight in your head before those pills hit your stomach otherwise the experience won't be as perfect as you hoped. Sounds like your blaming yourself for the cloudiness in your mind even though you make references to external "shit" that needs to be dealt with - and you're giving up on something external to, not yourself apparently.

    Everyone in here, though probably not lived through your exact circumstances, will most definitely want you to elaborate before you take action. Your preferred action seems to be in response to something external that has happened to you that you are taking responsibility for? That's no real cause for suicide.

    Hope you get the chance to talk to us before acting.
  3. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    hey ive already elaberated in many posts that i have posted here. heres the short version - i have been raped by my brother when i was 7-9 and i was raped by a complete stranger 4 months ago. my dad is dying of cancer and got bout 2 years to live. although before this i hated because he beat me up shit loadsa times. i have self harmed and used solvents for about 7/8 yrs i was bullied at school i have made numeroous atempts. i have been booted outta ma house many times and i hate my life. the thoughts in my head have been driving me insane for the last 4 yrs and the fact that i hate myself and EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I know I am not powerful enough for most things to be my fault...I am also I survivor of CSA and have found that it has taken wise counselling and lots of work to be in this world...please PM me if I can do anything for you...J
  5. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    thanks sad eyes but nothing can be done for me. im a lost cause im passed help. peoples been trying to help me but it aint working. ive been through CBT, DBT, and pyschoanalysis and nothings helped. they keep on putting me on meds that are fucking even more with my head. im passed help. but the meds are gonna help me in a way. they gonna help me die. im think whether or not just to take my dads tablets when he goes away tomorrow as they would kill me as last time they fucked me over big style.

    im really sorry for everyone x
  6. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed

    You really don't have to do it :sad:

    I've seen therapists, and I've done CBT, and they all "gave" up on me too. (They kindly suggested there was nothing more for me there).

    You're not past help, really :smile: Just stay awhile and talk to us here!
  7. I'm sorry for being unclear. I do have a problem with being vague sometimes.

    You gave the list of things that were done to you, but that is not why you are planning on downing the drugs this time. You stated that it was the thoughts in your head that were driving you "insane" and you wanted out - plus some other stuff about giving up on others and death winning something.

    What thoughts are you having? Obviously it's none of our business, but if you felt like letting us know you are going to kill yourself then maybe you'll not have a problem telling us why before your parents go away ... you said parents, but in your list of people that have harmed you, you didn't list her. She good? That why you're waiting till she leaves?
  8. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    dont worry bout being vague, you werent i am just feeling really fruastrated at everything and i dont mean to take it out on people. im sorry for that.

    i dont want my mum to stop me thats why i wanna do it when she leaves. i do love her very much so, and i dont want to hurt her, but i cant carry on living the way i am, and the way my head is. the thoughts in my head is saying that im useless, im better off dead, and that people are wasting their time on me. also that im a failure, im fat im ugly. im hurting the peple i love as i dont want them to come to close to me but when i push them away i hurt them even more. im fed up of hurting people all the time, so once im dead then i wont hurt them anymore, and they can carry on thier life. my mum has hurt me in the past yes, but unlike my dad she has apoligised for all the shit. my dad hasnt. my sisters dont wanna no me, ive alredi explained about my brother. in my head its just everywhere. i cant do it anymore. im sorry if u feel that this is pointless but this is the way i feel.
  9. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    cya guys later... im gone im dead now.. cya latwr dno whe we gonna nx spks... x byyyyyyyye x
  10. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed

    I really hope you're still with us :(

    I hope you're safe!
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please don't do this to yourself. :hug:
  12. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Sky,
    Please don't hurt youself. We are friends and I don't want to see you commit. You have always had my respect for your posts. When the thoughts get all jumbled up in your head do you hear voices or is it you telling yourself all these negative things because you are in pain?
    We are all family here so why not lean on someone for support!!You already know I am here for you and you know you can PM me anytime. If i'm not on line I will return your post as soon as I see it. Take care of yourself and try to set small goals for yourself so when you acheive one it will be a positive thought. and keep setting those goals. They can be anything, for instance I got out of bed and didn't lay there beating my self up. That was just an example. I hope you stay safe and you talk to me often!! I wish you happiness!!!~Joseph~
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