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Can't do this misery anymore!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by SnowFallenAngel, Nov 2, 2010.

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  1. SnowFallenAngel

    SnowFallenAngel Well-Known Member

    I am 53 years old and have never known any happiness in my existence!

    I have physical illnesses and nervous disorders, I have no family (family being to me people who care, I have relatives!), no friends, they all disappeared. I live on my own and never get anyone come around to see me or phone me to see how I am, (I am agoraphobic).

    There just is absolutely nothing, I just can't take anymore. I cry all the time. I want this to be over and done with.

    What have I to look forward to if I don't leave this world now? Well I have emphysema from smoking and although I have given up, I will still die from it (something no one told me about until about 6 months after I had given up), I may as well not have given up if I'm still going to die of it because the only thing I had going for me was that I was slim. Now I have put on 35 pounds and am a fat pig!

    Sorry, I know that there are so many many people who have it worse than me, but I cannot bare the thought of dying of lack of air and that's what will happen, and that's what I have to look forward to!

    Well, no no no no no a thousand times no, that's my biggest fear since I was a child!! Dear Lord, I cannot understand why I ever smoked!! What a stupid thing to do when I have a fear like that!

    I'm just done, really.

    Thanks for letting me rant.

  2. DeepEmz

    DeepEmz Well-Known Member

    Rant all you like, we are here to listen and try to help you. Feel free to PM me if you need a private chat. :hugtackles:
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOur not alone now you have here to talk to we will listen and care I hope you continue to post okay let the sadness out.
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Hello Snow!

    Sorry to hear about things being bad and the emphysema.

    Getting therapy for the agoraphobia would probably help a lot.

    If regular medicine has done everything it can for you, then I would suggest checking out some alternative medicine. Acupuncture is good (and endorsed by the World Health Organization for treating a variety of conditions). It can be expensive though.

    You might want to check out something like tai-chi or qi-gong or something like that. I've heard that many of the tai-chi masters started out as people who were told that if they didn't practice everyday, they were going to die from a medical condition.

    In any case, I hope that you feel better!
  5. Untouchable

    Untouchable Well-Known Member

    Hello Snow,

    I can feel you right there. I used to smoke myself, back when I was in high school, but I managed to cut it off after trying a whole lot to get there. I'm not sure why I even started it, I was purposely trying to hurt myself and I kept finding different ways that I have regretted by now.

    However, all isn't gone. And agoraphobia is treatable, trust me. I've been there, and I'm much, much better than I have been before. My social phobia isn't completely gone yet, but it's much better than I would have ever dreamed it could be. Have you tried getting help, finding a proper therapist who can guide you through your trouble with agoraphobia and depression? I really suggest you trying to find someone suitable.

    Whatever you need, I'm here to talk. I know where you're coming from, and I believe I can help you.

    Take care please.
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hi snow...I'm so sorry you're feeling so down but I do understand...
    we are around the same age and although I don't have emphysema my health is **** too..
    I'm lucky enough not to have agoraphobia but I hope you can seek some treatment for that ...

    then you can get out and join some groups maybe...
    even if it's a group for one of your health problems it's good to have the support of others who understand ..
    I don't know which country you're in but here the community services can visit in your home..I currently have that and it makes a difference...
    they've put me onto a physiotherapist and I'm doing special gym exercises specifically for my health problems..
    My Dad smoked most of his life and gave up when he was told he had emphysema at around 65....he lived to be 81 and died of heart and kidney failure..not the emphysema..
    have you talked to your doctor about your fears?..

    I too have family who don't care and no friends ....and yes it makes life hard but i have a wonderful counselor whos sent me down the right channels...
    do you see a counselor? they can often point you in the right direction..

    Sorry about the long reply..I get very passionate about things I can relate to...
    I hope you will keep fighting ..don't give up...

    here if you need to chat...*hugs*
  7. SnowFallenAngel

    SnowFallenAngel Well-Known Member

    Thank you all so much for replying. If you can believe this, I have been turned down here for any kind of therapy.....seriously I am not joking. I am on a small benefit here in UK, so cannot afford any private health care.

    I have had panic disorder since I was 18 years old, so I suppose they figure that there isn't any helping me now, especially with the physical problems. I feel like I really shouldn't be here, like I'm a mistake.

    Every day I get up and say that I cannot face another day, but I do! It's not a testiment to my strength, it's only because I am afraid of the 'dying' part. I don't want to be here, but I'm afraid of dying too, if that makes sense.

    Thanks again for your replies, and for all those suffering, I am so sorry, I wish I could take all your pain away.

  8. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Maybe if you contact one of the UK specific hotlines, they can give you information about getting healthcare.

    You may have been turned down, but there could be a process by which you could appeal the decision.
  9. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Snow and so sorry you are feeling this way...if you were turned down for care, definitely appeal it, or go to an Emergency Room (if you can get out) and they will have to refer you to someone...also, open the curtains and the front door for a bit...let the outside in for a few minutes...you will be surprised how freeing that can be...please continue to let us know how you are doing...big hugs, J
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