Can't do this much longer

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AlaskanIce, Apr 26, 2014.

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  1. AlaskanIce

    AlaskanIce Active Member

    I'm feeling lousy today.

    No interest in anything, maybe because I'm depressed. No goals, aspirations, dreams. I'm stuck in college, running out of classes to take, and still no idea what to do. Have to think of something soon or I'll have to stop due to a lack of interest and (as mentioned earlier) simply taken too many classes. Thinking about what to do just makes me feel even lower; I've eliminated too many choices from either a complete hatred of the classes and career options or a complete lack of interest in the classes and career options.

    There isn't anything for me. Makes me feel worse and hate myself more than I already do. I can't do this for much longer. Everyone else here know what they're doing, whether they've been here for longer, the same, or shorter period of time than I've been. Most of the people in some of my upper division courses are graduating at the end of this semester, which is over after next week.

    I hate myself so much right now. Everything is making my suicide ideation worse than normal.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Is there anyone at the school that you can talk to a councilor that can help guide you into what your path may be hugs to you
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, AlaskanIce. I'm sorry you're feeling lousy today.

    First of all, you don't seem like someone I'd hate. You sound like a good person. And you are obviously intelligent. You're in college and have taken a lot of classes. Those are things to be proud of. :)

    It doesn't really matter what "other people" are doing, it matters what YOU want to do. If you're not sure, give yourself a break - there's no time limit on starting along a new path if we don't like the one we're on. Have you ever taken an "interest and aptitude test"? Your college guidance/counselling department could probably set you up to do one. They are very helpful for figuring out what your true interests are and what sorts of jobs and education mesh with those interests.

    Maybe your mood is also due to the time of year - end of classes, exams, and papers due (stress?).

    Perhaps contact your school's counselling department and see if they can give you some education+career insights/testing. As a young adult, you're at a great age to try different things. Some will click and some won't. Are there are already jobs that you think maybe you'd like? Or subject areas you'd like to study but don't know how they'd apply in the workplace?

    You can always toss some ideas out to me if you want. I'd be happy to listen. :)

    Stay safe. :hug:
  4. AlaskanIce

    AlaskanIce Active Member

    Thank you for trying to make me feel better, but this semester is my 5th year. 10 regular semesters plus two summer semesters. I've taken every test there is and the results are always less than helpful. I've taken the MBTI three times. Same results each time and no more help than anything else I've tried. The counselors can't help me because I have no idea what I want; they tell me to 'come back when I have an idea, then we can help.'

    I don't go to any counselors now, because I can sign up for classes by myself. Right now, I'm only signed up for one class in the fall. It's required before I can take one class required by my major; and that one class is required before taking the last class required by the major. After that, I'll be 'done' with the degree. But as I said, none of the internships, careers/jobs, or graduate school options interest me. In regard to the latter, I'm told you have to have a very good, specific reason for going to graduate school otherwise its a waste of time and money. So, no graduate school for me.

    Ideas? I have none. No interests too. It's been 5 years, like I said earlier. You'd think I would have even one idea after over 100 credits of undergraduate stuff.
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya, AlaskanIce. If you have done those things and still feel stuck, maybe it's time to see your general practitioner and/or a mental health counsellor (not a career counsellor). The doctor will be able to assess if you are stuck because of a physical illness or perhaps depression or some other mental health issue. The counselling can help us untangle mixed feelings about our situations. When we are depressed, we can sometimes get "stuck" and do not really have any idea what to do next. Things can seem unappealing and we might even feel very apathetic. Those could be a result of an episode of major depressive disorder...but only a doctor can diagnose it and refer you to the specific help you might need.

    What impresses me is that you have done lots to keep moving and to try to figure things out. That's a good thing - a good sign that you DO still care about your future. Having done so much and still feeling at odds doesn't mean there is something wrong with you; it likely means that there are just some things to be dealt with so you could move on. I hope you will consider seeing a doctor and finding out what s/he has to offer. It's possible you're stuck emotionally and simply unable to focus on things enough to see where you are and what you want and what you COULD do with what you have already achieved.

    Keep in touch and let us know how things are going. There are so many fulfilling paths in life - I'm sure there is one for you, too. It just takes what it takes to fine it, sweetie!

    Thinking of you! "arms:
  6. AlaskanIce

    AlaskanIce Active Member

    I was seeing a therapist for a while, from October until March. I quit going. It was not helping and it turned out that the person and I were not a good fit. As it was my 4th try, I'm unwilling to try to find another one.

    In that case, I've been stuck for 5 years. No closer to knowing what I want than i was my first year. I'm running out of classes to take - as of right now, I'm signed up for only one class in the coming fall semester. Including that class, I am 5 classes from completing the current degree I am in. But it won't do me any good as I have no clue where to go from there. I do not want to graduate until I know, because I have 2 semesters of student loans. If I have no plan, I won't be able to pay them off and I'll be financially ruined for life. It would make me feel worse than I already feel right now.

    Finals week is this week. I'm not looking forward to it. One class is already finished; I have a paper for one. A test for another; and 3 papers plus a test for the last one. Hopefully I don't screw it all up.
  7. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    Sounds pretty close to the reasons I came to SF... no direction in career or life. And the stress wore me out.

    I ended up droppint out.. spent four years there and have the credits of a softmore. One of the things about people, is they tend to put on their best faces out in public. You might not know what they are goin through at home.

    Furthermoe... things don't always pan out. I knew one person who went to college, did really well... then I later heard she was applying at home depot. So... it doesn't always go as planned for those people.

    Im going to beh ead back to the find long term direction really soon... soon as Ican get out of my crrent job.
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