Bit of background info; I've been in hospital firstly as a daypatient, then as an inpatient and now as a part time in patient (half the week there half the week out) for nearly two years. I have ocd, ptsd, depression, anxiety, borderline traits and self harm. My therapist of a year and a half is leaving. I havce 5 sessions left with her. She's the only shrink who's ever helped me or believed in me and I honestly feel such despair at loosing her. She's going on maternity leave and by the time she comes back I'll be in adult services, which everyone says are awful. I can't cope with this her leaving. I was on the phone to my ward for ages last night because I was having urges to do a very extreme/suicidal form of self harm I won't name in case it gives people ideas, they were really nice and in the end they got my Mum to give me diazepram but obviously I can't have that everyday. Today I did a minor form of what I was wanting to do last night, which hasn't had the effect of killing me, but relieved the urges a little. And then I got so upset I felt I had to punish myself especially as my old weight problems are coming back and I manged to purge for the first time. I texted my shrink about this but she hasn't gotten back. I feel like I'm breaking in side, I'm feeling really suicidal and I just can't deal with this. I can't be in hospital anymore than I am already, but I really don't know what to do.