Can't do this

Bit of background info;

I've been in hospital firstly as a daypatient, then as an inpatient and now as a part time in patient (half the week there half the week out) for nearly two years. I have ocd, ptsd, depression, anxiety, borderline traits and self harm.

My therapist of a year and a half is leaving. I havce 5 sessions left with her. She's the only shrink who's ever helped me or believed in me and I honestly feel such despair at loosing her. She's going on maternity leave and by the time she comes back I'll be in adult services, which everyone says are awful. I can't cope with this her leaving.

I was on the phone to my ward for ages last night because I was having urges to do a very extreme/suicidal form of self harm I won't name in case it gives people ideas, they were really nice and in the end they got my Mum to give me diazepram but obviously I can't have that everyday.

Today I did a minor form of what I was wanting to do last night, which hasn't had the effect of killing me, but relieved the urges a little. And then I got so upset I felt I had to punish myself especially as my old weight problems are coming back and I manged to purge for the first time.

I texted my shrink about this but she hasn't gotten back. I feel like I'm breaking in side, I'm feeling really suicidal and I just can't deal with this. I can't be in hospital anymore than I am already, but I really don't know what to do.

 

hey Freakstorm. Please hold on. It sounds like you are in a really bad place at the moment, but things will change for the better. They have to, eventually! Maybe your new therapist will also be good, and maybe adult services won't be so bad. I don't know what to suggest other than clinging on with your fingertips and waiting until the worst times pass and you're strong enough to face the future, but there are lots of people on these boards who have been through similar and are willing to listen and help with what you're going through.

 

yes i totaly agree. you have to have some time by ur self in a good way.
take medditation medtate. with yoga music it helps ive tried it even though im the last person ull see do yoga. but it really heps. it relaxs u.

just have a little faith