Thinking about borrowing some money so I can go buy a bottle of pills and be done with it. I can't stand being a grown up loser anymore. It's humiliating to be 22 and have absolutely nothing. I'm just a leach bleeding everyone else dry because I can't take care of myself. They would honestly be better off without me. I don't want any advice on this. Don't tell me to get a job because I've been trying and no one wants to hire a total mess. They just take my applcation and say they'll call and then they never do. I show up later to see what's going on and they tell me they don't need help anymore even though there is still a help wanted sign in the window. My debt continues to grow and I'm tired of asking for help. Everyone is pissed that I dropped out of school. I miss my friends. I miss the damn near perfect life I had that I threw away. Right now there is nothing to live for except my stupid family who constantly puts me down. I fucking hate them so much. That's the worst part is constantly feeling so much hate. It's not like me. It's worse than feeling lonely and sad by far. I hate the only people who are trying to help me because I don't want their help. Yet I still take advantage of them because right now there's no other way for me to survive. I hate the only person I've ever loved because it just didn't work out and he's moved on and forgotten about me. I should just be happy for him but instead I have urges to sabatoge him. I want to see him suffer. Like that would fix anything. What kind of person have I become? I KNOW it's not right but I just can't stop. There is something very wrong with me. I should seriously just die.