I'm writing this in the hope that it rings a bell with someone who can offer some kind of advice or guidance or even just let me know that I haven't lost the plot completely. Quite simply - I'm finding myself more and more scared of what the future brings. I know that sounds completely irrational so I'll try as best as I can to explain. The last few months have been a near constant slide further into depression. I tried to get help by speaking to a friend about things and I was asked a simple question which, inadvertently, has made things much, much worse. The question was "when did you last feel happy?". The answer - I can't remember. What I found myself doing was looking back over the past few years and all I can seem to see it a steady decline into the mess I find myself in today. I look back at old photos and I used to be the joker, the one always playing practical jokes or making wisecracks, the one people looked to for a laugh ... now, I don't recognise the person I've become. I'm to some extents a recluse, I've lost most of my friends and have no real desire to carry on this way. What's messing my head is seeing how things have gone downhill over the past months especially which now has me thinking "what's next? what's going to go wrong next" to the point where I am genuinely considering taking my life rather than run the risk of continue this joke of a life and see things go further downhill. The past few months have led mt to consider taking my life - thats how I found this site - if things get worse, which looks a real possibility, where does that leave me? I'd rather act now than run the risk of digging myself further into a hole and potentially taking other people with me - which, as I've already said, is looking like a real possibility. Am I alone in thinking this? Am I making sense or have I completely lost the plot altogether? Either way, I just want this to end.