Can't face the future.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by drummer, Nov 18, 2013.

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  1. drummer

    drummer Member

    I'm writing this in the hope that it rings a bell with someone who can offer some kind of advice or guidance or even just let me know that I haven't lost the plot completely.

    Quite simply - I'm finding myself more and more scared of what the future brings. I know that sounds completely irrational so I'll try as best as I can to explain.

    The last few months have been a near constant slide further into depression. I tried to get help by speaking to a friend about things and I was asked a simple question which, inadvertently, has made things much, much worse. The question was "when did you last feel happy?". The answer - I can't remember.

    What I found myself doing was looking back over the past few years and all I can seem to see it a steady decline into the mess I find myself in today. I look back at old photos and I used to be the joker, the one always playing practical jokes or making wisecracks, the one people looked to for a laugh ... now, I don't recognise the person I've become. I'm to some extents a recluse, I've lost most of my friends and have no real desire to carry on this way. What's messing my head is seeing how things have gone downhill over the past months especially which now has me thinking "what's next? what's going to go wrong next" to the point where I am genuinely considering taking my life rather than run the risk of continue this joke of a life and see things go further downhill. The past few months have led mt to consider taking my life - thats how I found this site - if things get worse, which looks a real possibility, where does that leave me? I'd rather act now than run the risk of digging myself further into a hole and potentially taking other people with me - which, as I've already said, is looking like a real possibility.

    Am I alone in thinking this? Am I making sense or have I completely lost the plot altogether? Either way, I just want this to end.
  2. Sea Sparkles

    Sea Sparkles Well-Known Member

    Hi Drummer.

    Your post makes perfect sense. I believe people who aren't suicidal deal with some of the feelings of some of this to an extent. Most people who feel they are in a unsteady place in life are unsure of the future, scared, hurting, in pain, etc, and to the point people feel suicidal from the depression that they have from whatever in life is going on. -- You aren't alone friend :hugtackles:

    Depression can make it so it clouds happy thoughts. I know you want to look at the past.. but, don't. Right now, unless your seeking help (via going to your doctor, a therapist...) don't. Those are things you need someone to be around you to make sense of. Most people are really scared to see a therapist.. but they truly can help. But no, I'm sure you know those options and wont be preaching them to you (I know how people can get.)

    I've felt this way many of times in my life.. and yes, I've had something like what you had with your friend... trying to reach out, and I just didn't know the answer to a question like that, made me really think.. and made me mentally more insured. But then again, with depression it makes you very fragile to things and sensitive. I'm not quite sure what I did to move past those feelings. I guess what sorta did it for me.. what a routine. I needed to feel secure again. Most of my days I pre-planned, (e.g wake up times) I would make a list of things to do in the sense of routine, and everynig during an hour or 2 hour slot pick 1 thing different to do. This helped with a few things;

    1) The routine helped me doing things I needed to do, but hadn't been doing.
    2) The mixing it up a section of it helped to keep my brain more active.

    I'm not even sure if this is the advice your looking for... but was the best of what I could relate with.

    Take care and I hope you start feeling better **hugs**
  3. Sea Sparkles

    Sea Sparkles Well-Known Member

    I hope your doing ok, drummer *hugs*
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