Can't fake it anymore...

[TormentedShadow]

I can't do this anymore.

 

[total eclipse]

Hope hun you reach out then and talk to crisis good samaritan befrienders someone you trust ok and get some support to help you to cope Hugs toyou


What is it that is happening now hun that is pushing you over edge is there something that you can talk about here

 

[TormentedShadow]

I'm realizing more and more that i have to fake being semi-okay with the relationship i am in. I am hitting myself over and over for missing Brandon's message on whether i was angry at him or not. I wasn't at all, just wrapped up in my own mess that i forgot to respond. Lost my best friend due to his drug habits. It's not just the actions of others that have been affecting me to the core its my unwillingness to want to like who i am. I still can't look at mirrors without feeling like i am going to cry. I'm still faking that i am "fine", pushing myself to limits outside my comfort zone. Isn't that where life begins? Outside your comfort zone? I am still finding myself constantly thinking of my end regardless of what new meds if any at all that they have me on. I can't do this anymore, the fighting. It wont end. it will never end. I think its my fault now, me getting this far into darkness that seeing light is inevitable. Was placed back on meds and i think it was a bad idea with the state of mind that i am in but who cares right. Eventually i will be just another lost soul in the wind.

 

[Sadeyes]

You are so brave, and have so much value...most of us feel at one time or another that we are fraudulent...that we only show a very small part of ourselves to the world and pretend for so many reasons that things are different...and please do not get lost from here...we will worry about you...and about new meds...again, how resourceful and brave of you...I know you will disagree with me on this one, but this is the juncture where we agree to disagree again...with much caring