Cant fill the emptiness with food fear of feeling

All I do is binge and vomit repeatedly I've suffered with anorexia bulimia for 8years now but the bulimia is the strongest. I binge to distract myself from thoughts and feelings I don't want and fear,I feel trapped and alone I'm stuck in the basement and I can't purge the emotions tht suffocate me day in day out. I feel such a mess I feel so ugly and pathetic I don't trust anything or anybody anymore I feel like a prisoner a victim victimised by others and this rotten stinking disease I've fallen and been knocked down for the last time ther is never any justice people hurt me so I hurt myself I hurt people and hurt myself I'm not a bad person but I am told I am. Nobody knows me I'm so sensitive its painful I feel suffocated by the frustration of trying to back my corner trying to get ppl to see listen and understand. I'm not dead but inside I'm dying, the pain tht I go through contains any hope for this.

 

No you are not a bad person you are like you say a person suffering. I do hope you can call your doctor the crisis line and get some help for you. Get your doc to get you into hospital for a few days so you can get eating under control okay I am listening to you and i do understand the pain you are in Please keep posting okay here Post the pain away from inside you so others can reach out to you hugs

 

Docs aren't like that if you're not dangerously underweight they don't pay attention its wrong really I've been in ED units a few times wen at lower weights and it all focuses on BMI. I'm feeling a bit better this morning I did something different yesterday which I found some pleasure in. I do need help with my eating though, I'm going to see how the next week goes and I'm going to break routines and stay off alcohol find more productive things to do

 

YOu are right in saying the docs should pay more attention especially while your weight is still not critical that way they can help keep you at a safe weight before you go to low. I am glad you are going to change up things a bit to try to break some habits maybe. Keep posting okay let us know how you are doing h ugs