Can't find a reason to keep going...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sami, Feb 8, 2008.

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  1. sami

    sami Well-Known Member

    Every morning I wake up and try to think of at least one thing that is worth living for.. I never find a reason. I spend my days in a depressive stupour while terrorised by cloaked devils and shouted at constantly by the voices in my head. I am drinking to try and make it stop, but it only works for a while.

    My Father is a violent, abusive alcoholic, I never know how much to trust my Mother, I love my boyfriend but I really want to be apart from him.

    I can't do my degree, I can't work, I can't do anything. Why exactly should I carry on with my pointless exsistance?
     
  2. sophie5121

    sophie5121 Well-Known Member

    sorry to hear you have so many problems, and i also do the same as you trying to think of atleast one reason to stay alive, sometimes i get one sometimes i dont. i dont think drinkings going to help the voices problem either.
    why dont you try talking to your boyfriend and tell him you want a bit of space?
    sorry i havent been much help but if you want to talk just pm me:smile:
    stay strong
    sophie x
     
  3. sami

    sami Well-Known Member

    I woke up at about 12.30.. and wondered why the hell there was a point to taking my next breath. Seriously, the first thought that came into my head was that. Nice.. B wasn't beside me, so I went into the lounge and didn't even get so much as a smile. So I went back into the bedroom and started crying. I haven't stopped since. I don't know where the hell it has come from; all I know is that I want to make it stop. For good. My life is beyond pathetic and I am powerless to change it. I cannot function. All I can do is lay on the sofa and waste my time on the fucking internet. B isn't going away for the night now. Bastard. I want him out of here. Seeing him makes it worse. He treats me like a child and talks to me like my Father used to - which only makes me cry more and want to die a million times faster. This hurts so much, I just want to make it stop.
     
  4. someone_

    someone_ Active Member

    I ask myself the same thing when I wake up. I don't even know what to tell you. I've been completely self destructing for years and there's not much left of me but I know it bothers me so I'm slowly trying to make a difference. I'm still so incredibly unmotivated and slow, but I'm in the beginning of the proccess to make a change. No one else will do it for me and I have to live with the shit I make for myself.

    Maybe you should try to focus on the good things you do have... you say you love your boyfriend. Maybe if you FORCE yourself to focus on doing things you like, and force yourself to get up and do things that might make your life more interesting, maybe that could help.

    You say you just lay all day long and don't have the power to do anything else. Maybe if you force some mental discipline on yourself - like trying to get a job you might like/get used to (it feels pretty damn good getting your paycheck after you work for it, plus you get to be in a different environment), dedicate yourself to working out 3x a week, making it a rule that you have to do something you like with your boyfriend every _ days, etc. That can help you to focus and distract you from the reality you hate. You get back the control on your life. I'm looking for a job myself right now. You're the only one that can change your life. You say you're powerless but you ARE asking for some sort of help whether you feel like it or not... see it that way and make it a rule to change that behaviour. That's all you have to do.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 10, 2008
  5. Chameleo

    Chameleo Member

    I'm supposedly a recovering alcoholic. Your dad's abusive behavior sounds all to familiar to me. Though, I feel you should take into account that you have a boyfriend to confide in, that is if he really is trustworthy. I myself, haven't had a close friend or family to confide in for years and am hitting rock bottom faster than two bullet trains on a collision course.
     
  6. brokensoul98

    brokensoul98 Well-Known Member

    i never had a abusive family but did have abusive relationships, alcoholics, and drug abusers, mentally and physically abusive..you have to live for yourself. know what you want in life and go after it. i learned the hard way. took me awhile to see that. your young. don't let anyone stand in your way. your the only one that can change things. get counseling, stay in school. make something of yourself. be proud of who you are. keep your head up high. your special and deserve so much more than what you have endured.now its your turn..
     
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